psychology
These 5 supposedly good qualities are actually toxic
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Not all positive character traits are as great as we think at first glance. Because when we step away from the surface and look a little deeper, we often recognize these traits for the problematic behaviors they can be.
We like to divide the world into good and bad – this black and white thinking is deeply rooted in us. This person is good, this attitude is bad, and so on. Even when it comes to characteristics of our personality, we usually have a very precise idea of what is to be seen as positive and what is negative. Many supposedly great properties are no longer so great at second glance. If we dig a little deeper, we sometimes even realize that this glorified behavior could even become toxic.
5 supposedly good qualities that are actually problematic
1. Tactlessness disguised as radical honesty
Honesty in itself is positive. Of course, we don’t want and shouldn’t constantly lie to our fellow human beings – or ourselves. No relationship would have any of that. But throwing all your thoughts at the other person without any filter, without thinking for a second about what that does to the person, has nothing to do with fair honesty. This is usually just tactless and insensitive.
2. Compulsive control disguised as organization
There’s nothing wrong with having your plans, appointments and to-dos under control. But this kind of organizational talent can quickly turn into a compulsion to control. Such perfectionistic people are often inflexible and have difficulty adapting to others and their needs. Being organized is all well and good, but wanting to control everything can easily become toxic.
3. Suppressing feelings disguised as emotional strength
Unfortunately, in our society we still often see showing our feelings as a weakness. We should especially keep supposedly negative emotions such as anger, sadness and shame to ourselves. It has nothing to do with strength if we suppress our feelings and cannot admit or show them. In fact, it’s highly problematic – and significantly healthier, for ourselves and for our relationships, when we can communicate our feelings in a constructive way.
4. Narcissism disguised as self-confidence
There are people who like to be the center of attention, and others who feel uncomfortable with it. Both are okay for now – after all, personalities are different and not everyone has this kind of self-confidence. But there is a significant difference between self-confidence and narcissism. Because anyone who is actually self-confident feels comfortable in their own skin and knows their worth. However, narcissistic traits are usually due to a lack of self-confidence. Such people need constant external validation – for example via social media – in order to be aware of their worth.
5. Being quick to judge others disguised as value orientation
We all live by certain values, these can be honesty, loyalty, openness or others. Ethical values such as a diet that causes as little animal suffering as possible or does not contribute unnecessarily to climate change can also determine our behavior. Such beliefs are something deeply personal that each person should come to terms with for themselves. People who transfer their moral concepts to everyone else like to present this as a particularly strong value orientation. They are very quick to judge others because, out of narrow-mindedness, they cannot imagine that other people do not share their values but live according to their own ideas .
Source used: psych2go.net, psychologytoday.com