Our time is limited, but we often spend it with people who are not doing us good. Why is that? These reasons typically play a role.
End relationships that are not good for us so that we can invest more space, time and energy in those that enrich us. Sounds easy enough. But it is not. Because we are human. What is easy for us?
When we hold onto an unhealthy, one-sided friendship, we usually have good reasons for it. Otherwise we wouldn’t do it. Sometimes we know these reasons, often we don’t. And often to know them would be a first and necessary step in order to break away from the relationship and to distance ourselves from a person.
Couple and family therapist Sarah Epstein wrote for psychology magazine Psychology today the most common reasons, in their opinion, for staying friends with people who steal our energy and damage our mental health. Perhaps one or the other of us will shed light on one or the other.
5 typical human reasons why we hold onto unhappy friendships
1. The: the friend: in helped us through a difficult time.
If a person has stood by us in a life crisis or difficult phase, this usually strengthens our trust in this person and strengthens our bond – and most of the time we feel obliged to: the friend: in addition. It is only natural to let someone down who: We perceive who was there for us as shabby and wrong (and then it probably is too). But if a person once stuck to us, it doesn’t mean that we forever have to stick to him. If the friendship no longer feels good and balanced to us, it may be time to withdraw from the relationship. Feeling committed to someone is not a cornerstone of a healthy friendship.
2. We have been friends for a long time.
To give up a friendship that has existed for years, maybe even since childhood, just because it costs more strength than it donates, seems wrong to us. And sometimes it is, sometimes it’s just a phase and our relationship revolves. But if it doesn’t, nostalgia alone is not a convincing argument to hold on to. People develop and change over the years and it is completely natural that people drift apart and settle on different wavelengths. A relationship, and this applies to friendships as well as partnerships, wasn’t wrong, bad, wasted time or failed just because it doesn’t last forever. Each of our relationships has its meaning and value, even if it only gave us one wonderful summer.
3. We have other mutual friends.
Our friends are often networked and friends with one another. Then distancing yourself from just one person without affecting the other relationships can be incredibly difficult. Sometimes it helps in such a case to make a conscious decision to consistently prioritize the unhealthy friendship down and to invest more in other relationships. Because trying to completely avoid someone who is in contact with people who are important to us is sometimes an illusion.
4. It’s easier to let things go than to draw a line.
Whether it’s habits, relationships, or a job, it’s always difficult to break away from something familiar and decide to change. What we know, we can assess, the unknown, on the other hand, is associated with uncertainty and ambiguity and that scares us. Also, breakups usually involve arguments and conflicts, pain and guilt, grief and parting. Lots of unpleasant prospects, which understandably often lead us to choose the supposedly easier path and continue the friendship as it is. Even if it consumes us and blocks chances of becoming happier.
5. We don’t know how to break up with a friend.
We usually have at least one vague idea of how we end a partnership. Normally, we communicate it clearly to the person concerned and then have no more contact. But with a: m friend: in? Let’s say there too I can no longer be friends with you and then go our way? Seems kind of weird – because we’re not used to it. While the end of a romantic relationship is discussed in guidebooks, novels, articles, series and films, we rarely deal socially with how to break up with a friend. Most friendships end when they do, so quietly and secretly ghosting. Because for many, the only alternative seems to be to carry on with it.
Source used: psychologytoday.com