Finding the right path in life is often not easy. And knowing if we’ve found him is one of those things. You can read here what signs, according to psychologists, indicate that we might be able to readjust.
With our life we are usually given a multitude of possibilities and options and on top of that a very responsible task: to live authentically and to choose a path that makes us happy. Because it suits us and is in line with our personal values, abilities, beliefs and desires. Most of the time there is not just one way, but many that meet these criteria. And yet it is sometimes not so easy to find one of these paths.
Other people can confuse us just because they live differently from us. Or that certain people have demands and expectations of us that we find difficult to ignore (e.g. our parents). Sometimes we just slip into some stream and let ourselves be carried away without really realizing that we never decided to jump in on our own.
Whatever the reason, when we realize we’re not on any of our possible lanes, it would be good to turn on the turn signal and change lanes. But how do we notice something like this? Psychologist Bella DePaulo suggests based on the publication Becoming Oneself: The Central Role of Self-Concordant Goal Selection by Kennon Sheldon (published in Personality and Social Psychology Review) to perceive the following points as warning signals.
5 signs you’re not quite in tune with yourself
1. You often feel ambivalent about your goals, plans, and decisions.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s about everyday things like arranging a date with a friend or groundbreaking goals in life like applying for a job or saying yes to a marriage proposal: when we after Often feeling torn about our decisions and wondering if we made the right decision, according to Bella DePaulo, this can be a signal that the path we’re on isn’t quite right for us. There are always phases or days when we doubt what we are doing. Do I even feel like meeting up with my girlfriend tonight? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Such thoughts are normal and legitimate – as long as they do not occupy our minds constantly or repeatedly. Because when we are in tune with ourselves, when we have healthy relationships and pursue goals that align with our personal values, then over time such doubts disappear because we enjoy what we are doing and feel that it is right.
2. It feels like a struggle to see your plans through to the end.
It’s totally okay to try things and just drop them if we realize they’re not for us. The Spanish course is a complete cramp? How about salsa dancing? If we feel like we have to fight against ourselves to stick with something we set out to do, it may not be the right thing and it would be better to let go and take a different path. Efforts are usually necessary to pursue or even achieve our goals. But if we identify with what we are doing, these efforts feel demanding and sometimes even appealing and can be managed with a reasonable expenditure of energy – without having to fight inner battles.
3. You downplay your goals and purpose in life when you talk about them with others.
When we stand behind what we do and it aligns with our values and beliefs, we tend to be happy and enthusiastic about telling other people about it. It feels good to share, we may even feel a little proud, but we enjoy talking about it. On the other hand, if we don’t like to talk to others about our life and our projects and instinctively downplay it, according to Bella DePaulo, this can be a sign that we don’t really believe in ourselves that we’re doing something worthwhile, or that we’re not particularly successful at it feel. And then it’s probably not the right thing for us.
4. You feel social pressure to pursue the goals you have set.
According to the psychologist, if we do something primarily because we believe that others expect it of us or that we will not be accepted otherwise, it is very likely that it does not match our personal goals and ideas. In many cases, we actually meet social expectations without really trying to – because our society is halfway open or because it doesn’t care about us (it doesn’t know us) and because people who are close to us are not very specific at best make expectations of us. Therefore, if we primarily follow our own compass and live authentically, we usually don’t feel very strong social pressure in what we do – or don’t do. In addition, our personal development, our growth, which we perceive and feel, is more important to us than the opinions of other people.
5. You mostly feel compelled to pursue the goals you have set for yourself.
Most of us have to work to earn money to pay for our rent, our pasta, and our salsa class. In a way we are forced to. but feel you this compulsion permanently? Do you find him particularly strong and present? Or could you also imagine living your life in a similar way as it is now, when you are completely free and financially independent? For example, because you enjoy it, are good at what you do, or see value in what you do? When we live in harmony with ourselves, we can usually want what we have to and feel less compelled than fulfilled by our tasks.
Source used: psychologytoday.com