Uncertainty can take very different forms and is often difficult to recognize as such. Who would have thought, for example, that the following statements could often be traced back to insecurity?
People generally have a great need for security. Some more, others less, but the vast majority will feel significantly more comfortable when they are safe than when they are uncertain. This is one of the reasons why uncertainty causes few people to say, “I’m unsure about that.” For some, this may be mainly because they are not aware of their insecurities or do not want to admit them. For others, the main thing will be that they want to appear safe and authoritarian. But the result remains the same: There are many people who do not communicate uncertainty clearly. This in turn can lead to problems here and there.
Whether at work or in our private relationships, if we don’t know that a person is expressing insecurity, we can hardly react appropriately to that person. For many people, a typical, obvious, almost instinctive way of dealing with insecurity is to become aggressive and attack others. The same applies to animals: For example, if a dog feels threatened or vulnerable, it is much more likely to growl or even bite than if it is relaxed and feels safe. But if a person attacks us or acts aggressively at us, we may defend ourselves, be intimidated, avoid them, or do whatever suits our personality – but we most likely will not try to make them feel safe.
According to Stefan Falk, a coach, author and expert on psychology in the workplace, we can assume that the following sentences are often an expression of insecurity.
Psychology: 6 toxic sentences by which you can recognize highly insecure people
1. “I already tried that – it didn’t work.”
According to Stefan Falk, insecure people are fundamentally skeptical about experiments and changes. They would say almost anything that would stifle change and new impulses – even if it is a lie.
2. “That’s a stupid idea. Everything is fine the way it is.”
According to the expert, strong rejection and absolute statements are typical for insecure people. In doing so, they not only tried to feign security, but also to close off any room for doubt and discussion.
3. “It might work for others, but it’s not for me.”
According to Stefan Falk, just like change, many insecure people fear that they are not good enough – and for them that often means that they are not better than others. Being average or middle of the pack is usually not enough for their unstable ego, so they emphasize at every opportunity that they are special.
4. “Can’t we think of something else? That doesn’t convince me somehow.”
According to the coach, insecure people are usually very quick to criticize something and reject suggestions and ideas – especially when it comes to changing things – without singling out specific details or offering alternatives. They always try to defend and maintain the status quo and their own position.
5. “I don’t have time for that now, my other priorities are more important.”
In Stefan Falk’s experience, insecure people often go through life with a relatively rigid, forward-looking tunnel vision and see many things that more secure, calm people perceive as inspiration as unnecessary, unimportant distractions. When they said they had more important things to do, what they were really worried about was being distracted.
6. “You have no idea how complex my tasks are and what I accomplish.”
According to the expert, whether offers of help, advice or suggestions, insecure people typically find it difficult to accept things from other people. In order to strengthen their own ego, they belittle those around them and convince themselves and others that no one is able to grasp the complexity of their situation and the excellence of their achievements and abilities.
How can we deal with insecure people?
Whether we deal with insecure people at work or in our private environment, the prerequisite for getting along with them is to recognize their insecurity. Once we have done this, we will tend to instinctively respond to them differently because we have a better understanding of their motivations and can more easily develop compassion. If we manage to approach an insecure person with calm, composure and respect, they will feel less threatened by us and, ideally, relax a little. Then we can try to start a constructive conversation with her, for example by asking her to expand on her point of view and share more of herself and her thoughts with us.
Another strategy for responding to insecure people is, if at all possible, to avoid them. We cannot and do not have to save every person who crosses our path. It’s okay if we focus on the people who mean something to us or who are an integral part of our lives for other reasons. If we have energy for other people, fine, if we don’t have that, just as fine. After all, it’s good enough if we’re not the ones burdening others with our insecurities.
Source used: cnbc.com