Emotional walls
7 signs that you are unconsciously locking up your feelings
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We prefer to diagnose emotional walls in others who are considered emotionally unavailable. Time to look into your own emotional castle. Sometimes we like to protect them ourselves – and we don’t even notice it.
Everyday life often revolves so much around others that one’s own feelings receive little attention. Or we have never learned how to deal with them ourselves. The causes of so-called emotional walls can be diverse. But what they have in common is that once they are there, they cannot be torn down so quickly. Sometimes we are not even aware of them because we are simply used to putting our own feelings and needs aside. However, this can lead to us noticing them less ourselves at some point – or even developing a vague fear of them because they seem so big and unfamiliar to us.
That’s why it’s good to listen to yourself every now and then – and for a change, ask yourself how you’re actually doing. The following signs may indicate that you, too, have already built some solid emotional walls. The good thing: If we become aware of the behaviors and habits, we can deal with them better and open up more to our emotional world.
7 habits behind which emotional walls can lie
You like having the conversation
Do you have the next question ready and know exactly where you want to direct the conversation? Wonderful, because this way we don’t even end up in unsafe emotional alleys. This can be a strategy to protect yourself from bringing up uncomfortable topics, which in turn cause an uncontrolled emotional reaction.
You don’t like it when others worry about you
Do you like caring for others, but please not the other way around? You like to stay in control and don’t want anyone to notice that it’s not that way – well, if that’s not a sign of walls building up. Brings us straight to the next point, because…
You are a perfectionist
… no one is perfect and that’s a good thing. You can feel free to show others when something affects you emotionally, whether positive or negative. It just makes you human!
You don’t take yourself seriously
And when you’re not feeling so well, do you wearily wave it off and emphasize that it’s not that bad? This may be an indication that you are belittling yourself and your feelings in order to avoid having to deal with them or endure them. Anger and sadness may not always feel good, but they too have a right to be heard.
You smile in uncomfortable situations
Many people should know this. Smiling when you actually feel like crying is a popular way to compensate and it’s not a bad thing at first. But do you notice that you always bring up unpleasant feelings with a smile? In doing so, you take away the seriousness from yourself and the feeling.
You avoid conflict
Some feelings are scary. Dislike, fear of loss, but also anger. That’s why some people like to avoid conflict – out of fear of the consequences or out of fear of the feelings that arise. It can be helpful to practice conflict and address conflict aversion in relationships in which you feel comfortable. This is the only way you can communicate when your own boundaries are violated – and learn that the world doesn’t have to end because of an argument.
You don’t trust yourself to dream
Do you know the feeling of sometimes not allowing yourself to have dreams? Would you like to move to the city, but you definitely can’t? Your dream job is advertised, but you probably don’t have a chance anyway? Keeping ourselves small can be a form of self-protection. In doing so, we are depriving ourselves of the option that it could work! Anyone who overcomes the fear of disappointment gives themselves the chance to turn dreams into reality.