Psychology: Anyone who can distinguish between these feelings is emotionally intelligent

Language is so common and omnipresent in our lives that we rarely think about it. And even more rarely do we realize what meaning it has for us. It is well known that language largely shapes our perception and our relationship to the world. For example, studies have shown that speakers of Berinmo, a language in Papua New Guinea, do not recognize the difference between a blue and a green square (if the hues are not too far apart physically, i.e. measured by their wavelengths) – whereas English speakers do already. How come? One suspects that this is because there are no different names for blue and green in Berinmo. Both are summarized under the term “nol”.

What we cannot name at least causes us difficulties

“In order to perceive anything in our environment, we must perceive it as different,” writes psychologist Kevin Dutton in his book “Black. White. Think!”, “The object of our perception must stand out. But then we need a way to To be able to define and identify difference; to be able to narrow down and determine exactly what makes it unique and distinctive.” And language gives us this possibility.

We use our language to organize and process what we experience. If we cannot grasp something linguistically, it either causes us difficulties – or simply does not exist for us. That’s why in some areas it can be of great benefit to us and bring us forward significantly to deal with our language. For example when it comes to feeling.

Why language helps us feel

“Our emotional vocabulary is our toolbox for dealing with emotional suffering,” writes psychologist William Hwang at Psychology Today. Research has shown that the ability to identify and precisely name feelings appears to lead to us being less overwhelmed in stressful situations and being able to manage our (negative) emotions better. In a 2012 study, people with arachnophobia who expanded their emotional vocabulary to describe what a confrontation with a spider made them feel made greater progress in dealing with their fear (and spiders) than test subjects. who tried other approaches (for example, distraction or reframing).

By naming our feelings, we recognize and identify them and classify them. This, in turn, is the basis for understanding them and responding appropriately. But for this we need a certain selection of terms in our emotional vocabulary, a certain repertoire of tools. And that doesn’t usually develop on its own.

“The Gottman Feeling Wheel”: How big is your emotional vocabulary?

Most people have a basic emotional vocabulary and regularly use terms such as “sad”, “angry”, “happy” or “scared” to describe their or other people’s feelings. There is nothing wrong with these names. However, they tend to describe emotional spectrums and can actually represent completely different emotions and situations. For example, “sad” might apply if we…

“Fearful” can mean that we…

Psychologists from the Gottman Institute have illustrated how many shades and nuances there are in our large emotional spectrums in their so-called “Feeling Wheel”. In it, they assign six emotion spectrums (angry, fearful, happy, strong, sad, relaxed) to twelve additional emotions that fall into this spectrum. Which of these terms, which according to this approach can be associated with the general term “angry”, do you use, for example, to describe your emotional state? And: Would you have classified them all into the anger spectrum or into another one?

How diverse terms can enrich and organize our emotional world

While it tends to be easier for us to distinguish between pleasant emotions and to say quite quickly whether we are happy, cheerful, satisfied or balanced, we usually find it more difficult to differentiate when it comes to negative emotions. Especially with such emotions, it would be an advantage if we did it more often. Because with basic emotional terms such as “sad”, “angry” or “scared”, the background such as the trigger remains completely open. Of course they exist, and we may know them, but we do not explicitly name them. However, what matters most is the background if we want to react to a feeling. So why don’t we name them right away – or at least try to?

According to William Hwang, we can actively expand and expand our emotional vocabulary if we only want to. After all, we can learn a completely new language at any time, so why shouldn’t we? At first, it may take a lot of attention and practice to examine each time we feel “sad” and look for a more appropriate label. But over time we get better at it, notice the differences and details more quickly, and come to the right term more immediately. We learn and train our brain and have the same experience as with a foreign language, which we master better the more we use it. And once we have managed to expand our active emotional vocabulary, our emotional world will paradoxically not only be richer and more colorful – but also simpler and better sorted.

Sources used: psychologytoday.com, cdn.gottman.com, Kevin Dutton “Black and White Thinking. The burden of a binary brain in a complex world”

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Bridget