psychology
Are you the weak point in the relationship? How to find out
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If there is a crisis in a relationship, are both parties equally responsible? Not necessarily, as a New Zealand study suggests. Here you can find out how you can tell who is the weak point in your relationship.
Of course, a relationship can only work and exist in the long term if everyone involved contributes to it. B. Basically there is a balanced relationship between give and take. If it is always the same person who fights for the relationship, puts their own needs aside and approaches whom: the others: n, an imbalance arises that usually does not make anyone happy in the long term. And both parts are responsible for this – both the one who gives too much and the one who gives too little.
However, when it comes to emotions and the expression of feelings, it looks a little different, as a New Zealand research group thinks they have found out. When one person has difficulty expressing and communicating their feelings openly, it seems to damage the relationship, even if the other is the most emotionally intelligent person in the world.
“Expressive Suppression” and Relationship Satisfaction
The researchers at the wonderful University of Auckland, led by Eri Sasaki, investigated how expressive suppression (ES) affects relationships. For this purpose, they evaluated data from surveys of almost 430 couples, which on the one hand evaluated the satisfaction of the participants with their partnership, and on the other hand provided information about the degree of ES of the individual test persons. This, in turn, was determined by the respondents either fully agreeing (7) or not at all (1) with the following four statements with regard to themselves – or something in between.
- “I control my feelings by not letting them out.”
- “When I experience negative emotions, I make sure I don’t show them.”
- “I keep my feelings to myself.”
- “When I feel something positive, I am careful to show it.”
A high value on the ES scale means that a person shows their feelings as little as possible, a lower value the opposite.
As the analysis of the data showed, a low ES value correlated with both partners: inside with the highest relationship satisfaction. This confirms the assumption that it is good for a partnership when we are open with our feelings and can communicate them clearly.
In this data collection, the lowest relationship satisfaction was found in couples in which one part had a high ES value and the other a low one. The experts see this as proof that it can damage a relationship as a whole if only one of the people involved has an emotional blockage – or the “weak link” is in this partnership.
Why is expressive suppression so harmful to a relationship?
As a possible explanation for why even a one-sided restraint of feelings in a relationship can have such a negative effect on the satisfaction of both parties, Eri Sarasaki cites on the one hand that it is mentally exhausting for us to hide our emotions. It means for us to play a role and that costs cognitive energy, which we then lack to engage in the relationship and e.g. B. to find efficient solutions when there are problems. In addition, our: e partner: in or friend: in us can read and understand more difficultly if we keep our emotions to ourselves. And it is easier for disagreements and conflicts to arise.
Conclusion
First and foremost, the results of this New Zealand study make it clear how important it is to cultivate an open and authentic approach to feelings in a close, personal relationship – whether partnership or friendship. If only one person has great difficulty with this, then from a purely data-based point of view, they can be viewed as the weak point of a relationship. However, the responsibility cannot be shifted to one side alone. Finally, the behavior of person A with a low ES score may play a role in the fact that person B has a high ES score, i.e. keeps her emotions to himself. Perhaps person A is not giving her the security, respect or trustworthiness that person B needs to open up.
Either way: If we have the impression that we are possibly the “weak link” in a relationship that means something to us, it definitely makes sense to ask why it is difficult for us to share our feelings with someone, who is actually close to us. And actively involving this person in the process and looking for answers together with them can possibly be the first step in working on the problem. Because even if the weak point of a relationship can be located more on one side than on the other – strengthening it is best achieved in a team.
Source used: Psychologytoday.com