If someone close to us is not feeling well, we want to be there for them. We often even feel bad when we have fun every now and then. Our author asks herself: Can I be happy when others are feeling bad?
When my best friend is sad, I feel for her. If my partner is not feeling well, I would like to relieve him of both physical and emotional pain. In moments like this, I automatically share the emotions of the person I’m talking to and often suddenly find myself sitting next to them crying.
But there are also days when I’m just in a good mood. I have planned a nice activity with other friends. Or I received good feedback on an article. What then? It feels like a dichotomy. I feel guilty for being happy even though someone so close to me isn’t doing well. Should I no longer be there for her? Be sad with her and go through this phase? On the other hand, I just want to continue living and having fun.
Can I be happy if someone around me isn’t?
This inner conflict has been bothering me for some time. And it seems I’m not the only one. In an interview I recently conducted, my counterpart also mentioned the topic, even though it wasn’t specifically about it. I talked to friends about it, who confirmed that they also knew the feeling. That was my first important realization: I’m not the only one who feels torn between helping and continuing to have fun. In all likelihood, the person who is currently feeling bad will also feel the same in their next high, for example if I am not feeling well. So instead of immediately feeling guilty, I can meet with understanding. Not only can I, but I will.
There is another reason why I can be happy even when someone else is having a bad time: I need to recharge my batteries. How am I supposed to be there for my fellow human beings when I have no energy for it myself? Even though I like to help others in difficult times, it drains my energy. It’s tiring and stressful. Of course, much more so for the person concerned, but also for me. And if I don’t consciously take the time to regenerate from time to time, briefly think about something else and have a good laugh, I’ll become even more exhausted than I already am. Instead of building up my counterpart, when in doubt we both only drag ourselves down further.
Conclusion
When asked “Can I be happy if someone around me isn’t?” So the answer shouldn’t even be, “Yes, I can,” but actually, “Yes, I have to.” Only when I consciously take time for my personal moments of happiness can I replenish my battery and subsequently be there stronger for the person close to me. Feelings of guilt are absolutely out of place in this situation, because not only does the person I’m talking to want me to do well and continue to have fun, but he/she also completely understands why I need exactly this time for myself. Because it would be the same the other way around.