Psychology: finally deeply relaxed – a field report

psychology
Editor reveals: How I finally managed to become deeply relaxed

It was an alarm like the world was ending. The wheels, they would have to go immediately, otherwise the house owner would have them removed by force. The news circulated in our WhatsApp neighborhood group. It wasn’t even seven in the morning, I had never seen the owner in my life, the only thing I know about her is that she is said to live in Africa. In front of the window, the garbage disposal was noisy in the entrance area. And the neighbors debated where to park their bikes. In the past I might have been angry too what a cheek, then we tenants have to be given a parking garage, after all we pay a lot of rent, this, that, pineapple, tenant protection association and at least three exclamation marks! It seems like a long time ago. What did I do instead? I shrugged my shoulders, left my bike where it always was and whispered: Oh, Africa, don’t we all have other things to worry about?

Relaxed as usual on vacation

At the peak of the pandemic, I noticed how harmonious the road traffic was, everyone merged in without violence and politely let others have the right of way. It was as if we, who were together in the unfortunate situation worldwide, had been deprived of freedom, but given the capacity to live serenely in a way we otherwise only knew from vacations. The new humility didn’t last long, as soon as we were allowed outside the door again, people screamed, honked, and got angry, as if yesterday didn’t exist.

I stayed calm like I was stoned and watch the hustle and bustle around me in amazement until sober. Suddenly, without doing anything, I reached a state of consciousness that I had not reached through yoga and meditation for twenty years: I became equanimous. Even then, when I got the letter that I had to pay back the Corona emergency aid. Even when my date never got back to me after he wrote that the evening with me was gorgeous. And also when I discovered the hairline crease under my left eye, which I initially assumed was an eyelash and wished for something. There is no enlightenment behind this, but a simple realization, which perhaps did not come overnight, but during the crisis: equanimity is not indifference, it is acceptance, maturity and an inner calm that enables one not to lose one’s composure. No matter what. Unfortunately, you can’t buy this internal nonchalance, but you can cultivate it. How it works? By taking two steps in and just one step back out. By pausing, slowly counting to three before reacting to what is being said. By leaving a buffer between you and the world.

An oasis of sovereignty

What equanimity also helps is to endure the attitudes of others, I don’t have to convince anyone of my opinion, convert no one, teach.

But the most important thing is that I don’t feel attacked, if others see it differently, mean it, do it. What is often overlooked in the heat of the moment is the energy that outrage consumes. It is so exhausting to want to be in the right and so incredibly relieving to have set up an oasis of sovereignty in which there is no bickering.

And then I noticed something else, when I was recently on the train from Frankfurt to Hamburg. Halfway a lady got on, she stood in front of my row and said: “I have reserved, this is my seat!” There was no doubt or kindness in her voice. She thought she was right and, interestingly enough, got upset as if she had to fight for it. I looked at her, feeling kinda sorry for her because she looked so panicked like I was threatening her. We weren’t at war, we were on a warm ICE with a reopened dining car. At no time was my or her life threatened. She stood in front of me with a red face, I looked at her sympathetically and waited until she noticed it herself: missed by a row. I was spot on where I was. It’s been a long road to get here.

Bridget