A shame
How do you deal with people who are always complaining?
helplessness in friendship This helps!
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How do you deal with friends who whine quite a bit? Since the balancing act can be difficult, we got to the bottom of this question.
Maybe you have him/her too – that one friend who has always complained a lot? Then you probably know how frustrating it is, because on the one hand you want to support, on the other hand it hurts to watch a friend step on the spot over and over again. So what to do?
Letting off steam but doing it right:
A bit of a moan every now and then is nothing unusual, on the contrary. It just happens that you have a bad day, a bad week or just a bad episode in life. In times like this, it can be pretty liberating when you can really let off steam with your friends.
Because where else if not there? In most cases you feel better afterwards. Because just the encouragement and encouragement of another person is sometimes enough to look ahead with more optimism. Chronic whining, on the other hand, can be stressful – for both yourself and the other person.
“Chronic whiners have learned that whining gives them reliable attention and affection,” explains psychotherapist Katja Beran-Gley to “Mädelsabende”, a radio format on Instagram.
Chronic whining: Consequences for the environment
Anyone who has dealt with people who complain a lot may have noticed that it can be quite distressing – on several levels. On the one hand, because after a while one can get the feeling that the advice is not reaching the person concerned, on the other hand, negativity rubs off in the long run. There is no place for one’s own topics and the structure becomes one-sided. This can cost a lot of energy and put a heavy strain on the friendship.
Sensitive handling: helpful tips
1. Accept
If you feel stuck with your tips — because the person may also be having trouble absorbing information — just listen first. Sometimes it is enough for many people to simply unload their ballast without any feedback.
2. Approach carefully and offer help
However, if you find that whining is becoming a chronic problem, try to address it carefully. Approach carefully and reflect to the person how you feel about the situation. Try not to be reproachful and start the conversation from the first-person perspective: “I feel like you’ve been burdened with a lot of things lately and I feel very helpless because I can’t help you.” A mental illness can also be behind such behavior, against which you are simply powerless. Here it also helps to discreetly draw attention to professional help and to offer support in this regard.
3. Distraction
If you find that a distressing topic is taking up too much space, try changing the direction of the conversation. Instead, tell a nice story and try to create positive feelings. Sometimes it helps to get someone out of their negative spiral of thoughts by showing that there are also things in life to be happy about.
4. Create emotional boundaries
Even if it is difficult and you really want to help loved ones, you should always be aware that you cannot solve all problems. You tend to let other people’s problems become your own. The emotional distance usually falls by the wayside. If you find yourself getting stuck in a mind loop of problems that aren’t yours, gently pull yourself back. You don’t have to and can’t solve everyone else’s problems.
5. Spend time in groups
Do you find it difficult to deal with the other person’s problems on your own? Then meet up with friends, spend time in a group. A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.
6. Ask questions
When someone complains frequently, it can be difficult to follow the conversation. In such cases, it helps to show empathy and actively relinquish responsibility for the conversation. For example, you can ask what solution the other person has come up with. This shows that you’re listening, but encourages the other person to think for themselves.
Sources used: “Instagram/Mädelsabende”, “7mind.de”