Can you?
If you can admit that, you are secretly happier than others
© Robby Fontanesi / Adobe Stock
Admitting to ourselves and other people what we can’t do can take effort. But what does it reveal about us if this admission is easy for us? Why our author thinks it could be a sign of contentment.
If we are unhappy, it is usually harder for us to overlook – or ignore – than if everything is fine and we are happy with ourselves and our lives. This is practical: dissatisfaction affects our mental energy balance and our performance. Negative feelings, among other things, put a strain on our prefrontal cortex, which is considered the headquarters of our analytical activities in our brain (headquarters, mind you, not the sole responsible one). If we are dissatisfied, we are not exactly at our best. Noticing this is helpful because then, ideally, we can change something to put ourselves back in a position to outwit saber-toothed tigers, invent gods, or start an international TikTok trend. In extreme cases, dissatisfaction can even be life-threatening or at least dangerous to your health.
On the other hand, if everything is okay in our lives and we are happy, it is usually not so important that we constantly notice this – because we just have to continue living as we do anyway. That’s why satisfaction can sometimes show up in small, inconspicuous things. For example, in how we view our inabilities and weaknesses.
Why it can be hard to accept when we can’t do something
It is not natural that we find it easy to accept what we cannot do. It shows us our limits, we look at what limits us and restricts our freedom. If we then see other people who apparently or apparently find it easy to do what we simply don’t want to do and what is possible, it can trigger a reluctance in us to acknowledge that – especially without relativizations such as “but I can do that… ” or “that’s just because …”. Such relativizations may be true and appropriate and may reconcile us with our extremely incomplete omnipotence. Unconditional acceptance, however, requires no excuses or explanations. But it can be an expression of real satisfaction and happiness.
When people are open to themselves and other people about what they can’t do – without further categorizing and explaining it – they show that they recognize their limits and are at peace with them. “I can’t go on vacation every year.” “I can’t stand in front of a camera.” “I can’t go on dates two nights in a row.” “I can’t be there just for my children every weekend.” “I can’t multi-task.” They don’t need or want more, but can feel within their abilities and possibilities that it is enough. You are enough. No matter how small and inconspicuous this feeling may seem, many people who don’t know it or have it long for it – and to compensate, they tell themselves that they can theoretically do anything.
Everything is not that easy
So that we don’t get the impression that anything is easy here: If we accept what we can’t do, that doesn’t always mean that we’re happy, and struggling with our own limitations is by no means a reliable sign Discontent. After all, as humans we are capable of learning, developing and expanding skills – and so in many cases seeing that we can’t do something and then refusing to do it can motivate us to grow acknowledge. However, if our motivation leads us into a fight and forms into doggedness, it is very likely that we have crossed a line that we better learn to accept.