The wolf in sheep’s clothing walks among us. But how can we recognize him? We’ve collected some clues.
They smile at you with their gleaming white teeth, their words ringing like delicate bells as they enter your life with an angelic innocence. But her smile is fake, the saccharine layer covering her words hides bile, and her intentions are far from good: These people are the embodiment of the wolf in sheep’s clothing!
But how can we distinguish those skilled manipulators who want to achieve success on our backs from those who are really well-disposed towards us? After all, who would want to instinctively and fundamentally distrust every person who steps into our lives? It’s not an easy task, that’s for sure. But there are signs that someone doesn’t want you well – we just have to learn to interpret these signs correctly.
They shower you with compliments
If a person flatters you excessively, it can be an indication that they are trying to manipulate or demand something of you. Of course, compliments and praise can be sincere – and who doesn’t feel good to hear how valuable they are to other people? But with exaggerated praise and false friendliness, these people don’t want to make you feel better, but rather use it to gain their own advantage.
False kindness can have multiple origins in this context, as psychologist Melanie Greenberg explains to Psychology Today. For example, some people would often wonder how best to achieve their goals without having to worry too much about other people. They then act charmingly towards them in order to gain personal advantage.
The origin can also be different: for example, an insecure person may not dare to ask for a favor directly, explains the psychologist. Therefore, they would “ask” by finding nice words about the behaviors and skills more often.
Limits are regularly tested or even exceeded
We all have – and need – our limits. They result from principles, from values, from trigger points and it is extremely important for our personal salvation as well as for the relationships with our fellow human beings that we pay attention to the protection of our boundaries and those of others. However, people who have dark intentions do not respect this, on the contrary: these apparently friendly people often deliberately cross individual or even social boundaries. This tests how far they can go to manipulate and exploit others.
The decisive factor here is: How does the person react when you speak to them about it, i.e. confront them with their own (mis)behaviour and assert their own limits? Is he insightful? Or does he hit back or otherwise show no respect for your needs? This can be an indication that this person’s friendly demeanor is nothing more than a facade behind which a gloomy grimace is hidden.
Words don’t match actions
You know the expression “Words are smoke and mirrors”? This proverb makes it a little too easy, after all, words have a lot of power, but the basic idea is not wrong: A person who preaches water all day while drinking wine is anything but authentic. If you find that a person’s words don’t match their actions, you should be very careful in your dealings with them.
In her Psychology Today article, therapist Hannah Rose writes on the subject that, for example, people who gossip about those people with whom they are always very friendly in direct conversation are most likely to be insincere and inauthentic. They would frequently spread rumors, stir up drama, and manipulate social dynamics to divert attention from themselves and their own questionable actions.
Finally, it is very difficult to discern the hidden intentions of a person who presents themselves as particularly friendly. Most of the time we want to believe in the good in people – and not be constantly on guard against being manipulated and exploited. It can never do any harm to act with a certain skepticism and caution when dealing with people, because yes: Certainly not everyone wants something bad for us – but just as little does everyone only want good things for us. The above signs can help you distinguish one strain from another and draw your own conclusions.
Sources used: psych2go.net, psychologytoday.com, powerofpositivity.com