psychology
These 5 sentences will show you that you are excusing toxic behavior
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Control, manipulation, humiliation – anyone in a toxic relationship probably knows these behaviors pretty well. But instead of detaching themselves from the toxic person, many justify the unhealthy behavior of their counterpart. Possible reasons: love, addiction, your own feelings of guilt. Here we will tell you how you can recognize that you are excusing toxic behavior.
The relationship robs you of strength and energy. In theory, you know that it is not only beautiful but also stressful – and yet you always find a reason to justify the behavior of your counterpart. Could this apply to you? This is how you recognize it:
5 sentences to excuse toxic behavior
“That wasn’t so bad.”
A typical set of people who have experienced domestic violence. Similarly: “This or that would be much worse.” Those affected try to downplay their (negative) emotions using these formulations.
“Him:She’s had a long day.”
It was just a phase, it only happened because the day was so stressful for him:she, he:she was going through so much. Instead of condemning the toxic behavior, compassion is felt and the unhealthy behavior is justified.
“No, that was completely different.”
The memories are repressed or consciously changed so that compulsive control or manipulative behavior are no longer perceived as such. If other people notice toxic patterns, those affected deny it with sentences like “That was completely different,” “He:she was just a little irritated,” or “You didn’t notice everything.”
“I like doing it that way.”
In many relationships, those affected already know when the other person is getting angry. So you try to be proactive, prepare the meal before he:she gets home or think of little surprises in the hope that the joy outweighs the toxicity. Deep down they know that they are doing all this to avoid being treated badly – but outwardly they justify their own behavior and therefore the behavior of their counterparts with sentences like “I like doing it that way.”
“I should have done it differently.”
“He: She wouldn’t have gotten mad if I had done it differently, properly.” Right in his:her sense. Those affected (almost) always blame themselves; they are responsible for the fact that they sometimes have to be treated badly instead of criticizing the behavior of the toxic person.
If you notice such excuses of toxic behavior from yourself or your friends, an honest conversation with someone you trust could be the first step towards insight and improvement. You can also seek professional help and work with specialized psychotherapists to find out what your justifications are and how you can manage to break away from the toxic person. Have the courage – and recharge your batteries for future healthy relationships.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, stern.de