Making decisions can be stressful and scary at times, but knowing what typically makes decisions difficult can sometimes be helpful.
First of all, some good news: we don’t need to be overly afraid of making decisions that we think are wrong, bad or unwise. Hardly any of our decisions will have catastrophic, permanent or unmanageable consequences – unless they cost us our lives. Of course, we can decide something here and there that makes our lives uncomfortable. That causes us trouble, demands something from us that we would rather have avoided, that causes us to lose something. But we can deal with that.
Difficult times are an unavoidable part of our relatively long lives. And the fact that we are allowed to make decisions about one or another of them ourselves is actually a privilege: because it shows that we have at least a certain degree of freedom and the opportunity to have a say.
However, there are some common pitfalls when making decisions that can prevent us from making the most freedom and wisdom possible. Knowing these pitfalls and avoiding them can save us from some painful lessons or regrets. Or at least give us a stronger sense of control at the moment of decision.
4 typical decision-making mistakes and how you can avoid them
1. You unconsciously choose clarity.
Most people tend to choose something familiar rather than something unfamiliar. From an evolutionary perspective, this strategy has clear advantages: venturing into unknown areas entailed the risk of starvation or freezing to death. Eating an unknown fruit could mean poisoning. As long as there was no urgent need to leave the familiar environment, it was safer and wiser to stay there. This may still be true today – albeit with some limitations.
Fortunately, in our modern world, we are not threatened with mortal danger around every corner. Rather, the world practically invites us to try out and discover new things. The decisions we have to make are usually less about ensuring our survival than about achieving the highest possible quality of life and being as satisfied as possible.
This means that whenever we are faced with a decision that involves changing something in our lives, it can be useful to question our reasons very carefully. Keeping things the same will always get a bonus point in our brain because it means that we will survive. But if that is all that speaks against change, against the unknown, we are squandering the freedom and opportunities that our current world offers us.
2. You (unconsciously) base your decision on what others like.
Because we are highly social creatures, it is practically impossible for us to exclude other people’s opinions or example from our decisions. It doesn’t matter, we don’t have to. But if we base our decisions solely on what others do or what others like, we are giving up part of our identity. After all, why am I me if I only orient myself on others?
This means that it can be worthwhile to take a closer look, especially when it comes to decisions that other people are happy about or that many others make in the same way as we do. Is it a coincidence that it turns out this way? Or have we paid less attention to our own personality and voice than to the voices of others?
3. You don’t give yourself enough time.
The more difficult it is for us to make a decision, the more quickly we usually want to make it – when something is open, we find it difficult to bear. Sometimes, however, we may simply not be ready to make a decisionIf we then give ourselves some time, something can happen that makes the decision easier for us, or we can gain clarity through processes in our subconscious. Perhaps we play through different options in our sleep and thereby gain insight or better access to our feelings.
This means that whenever we feel compelled to make a decision that has not yet reached its deadline or for which there is no deadline, we may benefit from consciously postponing the decision a little and paying as little attention to it as possible.
4. You get lost in your head.
Many people feel most comfortable when they can logically derive a decision and argue it sensibly. But our mind is not the only – and not always the best – resource that we can use to make a decisionOur intuition and our feelings are a valuable compass, especially when making very complex decisions. Likewise, exchanging ideas with other people can enrich us and help us get out of the labyrinth in our heads, as it shows us alternative perspectives.
This means that, especially when the pros and cons list is clear or the facts seem unambiguous, but we still cannot bring ourselves to make the appropriate decision, it is probably appropriate to look away from the list and the facts at hand. It is usually most helpful to talk to someone you trust about the matter – this often not only tells us how they see things, but also makes us more aware of our own feelings.
Sources used: Martin Korte, Brain Whispers: How we learn to train our memory effectively