Psychology: This is how couples can make their relationship safe from infidelity

love strategy
Psychology: This is how couples make their relationship safe from infidelity

At the party, sparks suddenly fly: the person is exciting, interested, the conversation is flowing and the chemistry between you is right. But is that a reason to risk the partnership? In these moments it is often forgotten what we have in our relationship and what a possible cheating could trigger in the respective relationship person. And that is the basic idea that should save the relationship: empathy. Not with the unknown, exciting person, of course, but with the partner who is waiting at home.

The view of others

If people try to imagine how their loved one will react in such situations, it can be one of the best strategies against cheating, it says PsychologyToday. It helps to think about your partner and try to be clear about their feelings before a possible infidelity occurs. This is an approach that makes it easier to understand the relationship person and to feel sorry for him/her before anything even happens. According to psychologist Gurit Birnbaum, this even leads to people showing less interest in alternative people. This has been shown by three studies she led.

Three relationship studies – one statement

Study 1: Put yourself in the partner’s shoes

The researchers left the subjects on three scenarios take part. In the first experimental set-up, 66 women and 64 men were included. Half of the respondents were divided into further groups, i.e. two per gender. Before the interview began, participants were asked to describe a normal day for their relationship person. Once without further instructions and in the second group with the addition that they should take the partner’s perspective, including the thoughts, feelings and experiences of what they do in everyday life. They were then shown ten photos of very attractive and less attractive people, which they were asked to rate as alternative partners. The result: Those who had previously taken the perspective of the partner showed less interest in the alternative persons in the evaluation.

Study 2: Flirting in an interview

In a further study structure with 82 women and 65 men, the influence of the partner perspective on the study participants was examined again. This time they chatted with an attractive person while exchanging photos. The participants then stated how high their sexual interest in the stranger was and how high they now rated their connection to their current relationship person. Those who had previously empathized with the partner reported a stronger connection and less interest in the interviewer.

Study 3: Sexual Fantasy

The third study involved 65 women and 66 men. At the beginning they should imagine that the loved one has discovered their infidelity and empathize with them. Those assigned to take the perspective were asked to report from that perspective. After that, the subjects should imagine coming across an interesting, stranger one evening who makes them feel good. With the addition that this is only available for one evening and night. The participants then expressed their desires and fantasies and then their interest in loving encounters and sex with their relationship person. Those who previously had more empathy with their partner showed higher sexual interest in the partner and less interest in the fictional alternative person.

A tactic that needs practice

Empathizing with the partner is not something we practice on a daily basis or think about all the time. If a dispute arises, we try to understand our counterpart and understand his/her feelings. Finally, understanding is a good way to settle a dispute. But when it comes to cheating, many people lack the motivation to put themselves in their partner’s shoes, according to Gurit Birnbaum, which is why infidelities often occur. Noisy ElitePartner Study 2020 31 percent of women in Germany cheated at least once, among the men surveyed it was about 27 percent. However, dealing with the needs of the other person more often can strengthen the relationship, regardless of whether an interesting stranger comes along or not. According to Birnbaum, empathy is the key to well-functioning relationships.

Sources used: Psychology Today, Research Gate, ElitePartner

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