During a meeting, if everything is a question of feeling and feelings, certain signs can be identified as positive for the construction of the couple. “There are elements that strengthen couples to enable them to face the ups and downs of life. But be careful, there is no guarantee of the durability of a couple”, recalls Claire Petin, psychologist and couples therapist.
What is a green flag?
Unlike red flags which must alert the person encountered, green flags, these green flags, are “reassuring indicators of a healthy, fulfilling relationship favorable to the well-being of partners”, explains Claire Petin. “It is not because these signs are present that the relationship will last. It is obviously necessary to have love that escapes rationality. We must therefore not be obliged to invest ourselves in the relationship just because there is has these green flags.”
Define each person’s expectations
If certain signs can be common to many people, it is essential according to the couples therapist to define these green flags “according to his standards and his expectations. What do I expect from a relationship? But also from myself in a couple?”
If this can be seen as a sign of maturityonce these criteria are defined, it is easier to meet a person who will be driven by the same values, the same type of behavior. “A healthy romantic relationship allows two individualities to express themselves and coexist within a couple”, adds the professional. “Be careful of couples where individualities disappear.”
Green flags in love
For professionals, green flags can be divided into 4 categories.
· The basis of the relationship
It is essential for a healthy love story to be based on solid values as “mutual respect, trust, emotional and physical safety, empathy and compassion.”
· Sincere and caring communication
If this implies being able to express one’s own needs and to hear those of others, it also means being able to “to listen to what the other has to say, pleasant and unpleasant”, underlines the psychologist. “It’s also about being able to question yourself with a willingness to compromise.”
· Intimacy and complicity
It is not only about sexuality but for the professional of a “intimacy in all its forms. It also requires curiosity and interest in the individual life of the other.”
· Mutual commitment and individual growth
For a relationship to have a chance of lasting, you must have shared projects and common values, but not only that! “The independence and autonomy of partners are essential”, underlines the couples therapist. “Just like supporting the individual growth of the partner and being able to rejoice for him”, continues the professional.
These green flags are indicators specific to each person. The goal is also not to forget that partners can evolve over the course of the relationship and therefore needs and expectations can change over the years. “At some point in the relationship, we may need a third party to take stock. We must not wait for the crisis. Working on your relationship can make it last better without trying to make it last at all costs.”concludes Claire Petin.