psychology
That’s why some people seem to annoy us for no reason
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Some people really drive us crazy – without us being able to say exactly what it is about them that really annoys us. There’s a simple psychological reason for this, which most of us might not necessarily like.
They exist, these people, who just have to open their mouths and our heart rate rises rapidly. Actually, they don’t do anything special, they’re just there. Is it the tone of their voice that makes us aggressive? Or does that one word they always use upset us? Loud In psychology, there is a much simpler answer to the question of why some people provoke such strong reactions in us. It’s up to us.
We project unpleasant topics of our own onto others
I’m sorry, what? Should I be to blame if my colleague never gets to the point in a meeting or if my acquaintance drives me crazy with just a movement of his head? Yep. In many cases we project our own feelings and issues into situations with other people. We reflect our traumas, unloved characteristics and unresolved conflicts – and dump everything on the person who supposedly annoys us. The whole thing (mostly) has absolutely nothing to do with our counterpart.
Therapist Jodie Cariss tells British Glamour: “When we have a very strong reaction to a person, it can often be a projection.” Even if we feel that our reaction is at least partially justified because the person is simply behaving in an annoying or stressful manner, our emotion about it is probably greater than is rationally appropriate. “Here we project shadow elements of ourselves onto the situation,” explains Jodie Cariss. According to the therapist, such aspects are usually unconscious; they are often unhealed wounds or issues and characteristics that we would like to suppress.
Projections as a protective mechanism: It’s better not to sweep in front of your own door
Let’s be honest: most people are much more concerned with themselves than with those around them. That’s why reacting so strongly to someone else usually says more about ourselves than it does about the other person. But we don’t do this with bad intentions. Rather, this mirroring is a protective mechanism to protect ourselves from having to deal with these parts of our personality. Because that could end up being uncomfortable or even painful. Of course, in the long term, repressing it won’t get us anywhere.
So the next time a colleague or acquaintance really gets on your nerves with every little movement or statement, listen deeper into yourself. Because perhaps the oft-quoted cliché applies here: It’s not you, it’s me.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, glamourmagazine.co.uk, everydayhealth.com