psychology
How the arrival bug prevents you from being happy
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Are you relatively successful? Do you usually achieve what you set out to do? And are you still somehow never completely satisfied? Sounds suspiciously like the arrival bug.
Many paths lead to happiness – probably at least as many as there are people on this planet. It’s too bad that there are so many stones lying around that keep us from our respective happiness… or at least cause us to stumble a few times before we reach it. One of these stones is called the arrival error, and almost everyone stumbles upon it at some point. Problem: Many people get stuck with it. In doing so, we primarily place this obstacle in our own path.
The arrival error – a fatal mistake
The arrival error is based on a very common misconception: that reaching a destination makes us happy!
- When I finally find a partner who suits me…!
- A gross salary of 50,000 euros and then…!
- Only 10 kilos down until…!
All interesting goals that we can set for ourselves – but better not with the expectation that achieving them will make us satisfied. Because the moment of happiness we experience only lasts a short time. And then we need a new goal.
The US-American-Israeli happiness researcher Tal Ben-Shahar is essentially the discoverer of the “Arrival Fallacy”. He defined the arrival error in his book “Happier” as follows:
The misconception that achieving a goal will make us permanently happy
So what? Goals are still a good thing! Then what’s so bad about the arrival error? Very easy: Anyone who strives for satisfaction with all their strength and energy will never find it – and will purposefully miss true happiness!
As old-fashioned and esoteric as it may sound, what matters is that we Don’t make our inner happiness dependent on external circumstances. Of course it’s good and important that we look for goals, after all we need something to do. But we should be able to be happy and rest within ourselves both when we are pursuing our goals and when we don’t achieve them. Ultimately, all of our small goals only serve to move us forward on our path, on which we have as many – beautiful and painful – experiences as possible, grow and perhaps leave a few traces. Even if we just remove one or two stones from the way…
Video tip: 7 signs that you don’t love yourself enough 