Fighting against negative thoughts is anything but easy. But certain thought patterns can actually harm us in the long term. So you should take a closer look at this one.
Do you also have the feeling of being overwhelmed by your (negative) thoughts? They just bombard you without you being able to do anything about it? Many of us probably know this feeling. But even if it doesn’t feel like it, we can work on it and get used to certain thought patterns. This may be more difficult for some of us than others – especially if we have trauma and these thought patterns are a protective mechanism. Maybe it will help to look at your toxic patterns with a therapist. These four errors in thinking can cause a lot of damage.
4 toxic thought patterns you should get rid of
1. “I guess I was lucky!”
Imagine you have completed a project at work really well and your boss praises you for it. Or you passed an exam with distinction. What do you think at a moment like this? “Great, my hard work paid off!” or rather “I was really lucky!”.
Even if at first glance you might think that it wouldn’t make much of a difference how you deal with it: it does! Because the first reaction is significantly healthier. You probably really studied for your exam or worked hard for your job project. Your success is based on your performance – you can be proud of that.
But if you tend to always look for the reasons for positive events in random external events, you probably don’t see yourself as being in control of your life. But that’s you! Of course you can’t influence every external circumstance, but you can make decisions, you can learn, you can make an effort. And once you’ve done that, you should be proud of your achievements and not see them as an accident that you actually had nothing to do with.
2. “Oh, that’s no big deal…”
The second unhealthy thought pattern goes in a similar direction. How do you deal with compliments? Someone tells you that your new hairstyle looks great or that your presentation was really good. Can you accept these positive comments and simply say thank you for them? Or are you one of those people who have a big problem with this and immediately put such praise into perspective? “Thanks, I only had my bangs cut so that my high forehead wouldn’t be visible,” is perhaps your intuitive reaction to the hairstyle compliment. “Thanks, but I’m not satisfied at all, I got confused far too often,” you might say in response to the praise for your presentation.
If you find it difficult to simply appreciate a compliment and instead find yourself unable to resist the urge to put yourself down, it’s probably due to low self-esteem. You have difficulty believing in yourself and seeing yourself in a positive light. Practice accepting it the next time someone says something nice to you.
3. “He:she is just so much better than me.”
Comparisons are part of human nature. From an evolutionary perspective, we even need them to be able to classify ourselves within a group. But in today’s world – thanks to Instagram and TikTok – comparison is taken to an unhealthy extreme and is generally not very realistic. Do you only see people on social media who have their lives perfectly under control, are rich, slim and beautiful and feel like they’re always chilling on the beach in Bali or the Maldives? Spoiler: These people aren’t always happy either and sometimes don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. They just don’t show it on their perfectly curated Instagram channel.
It’s only natural that it eats away at our self-confidence when we feel like others are doing everything better than us. But instead of immediately thinking, “I’m so bad, why can’t I be as successful and disciplined as them?”, you could try to take a realistic look at the situation: The person probably works a lot to achieve this lifestyle to be able to afford. And the glamorous trips are probably actually just work, and the person spends most of their time taking photos for social media. And she is also sometimes insecure and doesn’t feel as attractive as her Insta channel suggests.
You already notice: everything is not always as perfect as it seems. And you shouldn’t forget this thought if you ever feel like you’re not good enough.
4. “I can’t do that anyway…”
Our thoughts have great power. With their help, we can influence ourselves and even our environment much more than we often believe. This has nothing to do with esotericism or mumbo jumbo, but simply with the fact that we exude self-confidence – or not. If the first thing you think about when faced with a difficult task is, “I’ll never be able to do that anyway,” then there’s a good chance that that’s actually the case.
Even if it’s not easy: Try to believe in yourself and that you can do much more than you initially believe. Self-doubt is natural, but try not to let it overwhelm you, but instead look positively into the future – and especially towards yourself and your potential.
Sources used: psych2go.net, psychologytoday.com