Anna is married. But Anna also wants to fall in love again and again. That's why she doesn't just have one-night stands, but longer affairs. And a man who keeps it exactly like that.
"I've also met men there a few times," says Anna, pointing to the rooms of a 13-story hotel. And immediately follows: "I know a lot of hotels from the inside for living here." Mischievous smile. That smile, that look, was admirably baptized by one of her lovers "Sex look".
Sometimes the crush is small, "like a piece of chocolate".
Sex – that's the reason why Anna always books a room in Hamburg. Some of her lovers are young and live in a shared apartment. She also had someone who was still in training and lived with his parents. And Anna's cozy home, which she shares with her husband Max, is taboo for "the others".
This was determined when the couple agreed eight years ago to have an open relationship. A short time later, Anna and Max, who have different names outside the public, got married and simply kept their rules: do not sleep with friends. Tell each other everything, but don't reveal the real names. Everyone is allowed to veto for no reason whatsoever. But then not only sex is allowed, but even falling in love.
Anna is not so much about sex.
"There is a lot more besides the process of smooching-undressing-blowing-licking-fucking-coming-ending", she says, thereby clearly expressing what is really important to her: She likes to flirt for her life. Sometimes the crush is very small, "like a piece of chocolate". Then there is a good gut feeling that you like the other, but not yet the tingling. A few weeks ago Anna got a voice message from a man who was already simmering. "The five minutes of this very clear, beautiful voice suddenly catapulted me into this state," she says, and her eyes flash again.
It starts with a kiss
This woman with the fiery-red hair loves above all the big bang when it sparks and crackles between two people. And that starts very often for them with a kiss: Max secretly kissed her at night when they spent the night with friends after a game night. It was the perfect first kiss. They were both 18 years old.
After that, she felt like she was slightly tipsy for years. Permanent grin on the face, talking a lot, talking too loud, chattering, messing up, being scared that the other person thinks she has a waffle on her – and yet everything just feels really great. "This state of affairs cannot last forever. Otherwise you would really go crazy," says Anna. "But we have phases in which we have a real crush on each other again, usually when something changes, when one of us develops professionally. Or when we opened our relationship." Most of the time, Anna and Max are a completely normal couple: despite the accelerated everyday life, finding time for themselves, talking a lot, getting on each other's nerves, understanding each other, being able to let yourself go, trusting each other. This level is the basis on which Anna kisses many other men and has a crush on them. In this regard, she already had a reputation at school.
At the very beginning, Anna and Max lived together in monogamy.
And parted. For Anna, the worst thing she has experienced with him in 16 years. That is why they started an affair with each other shortly thereafter. Anna's eyes sparkle when she talks about Max. "I am happy to have this home port" – and she is glad that she has been able to leave this port safely and moor there again at any time. With him there is no maybe, no if and certainly no but. Head out, heart on. "It's not that I'm missing something at Max. I just want to feel strange skin, be a blank sheet for another person and see how the other person gets the puzzle from me." Anna is convinced that her needs are actually no different from those of others, "I'm just being honest". And honestly: Which long-term lover hasn't missed the rapid turns of falling in love? Or secretly craving for another person? There may be good reasons not to pursue this yearning pull. But there are also these feelings. And Anna and Max give them space.
No checklists, no pretended flawlessness, no we-in-ten-year thinking.
Anna often likes the same thing about her affairs as about her husband.
The type is "a bit like the singer Clueso". Anna likes artistic types, smart, rather boyish, but with access to her own emotional world. Those who are with themselves and can fully engage with them without projecting unfulfilled longings on them – and without expectations.
Because she already has Max she doesn't even have to check the others she is dating to see if they are suitable for a relationship. Head out, heart on. She also tries to give that to those she gets to know. So: no checklists, no pretended flawlessness, no we-in-ten-year thinking. And don't let others feel the huge availability of other potential partners. "But just be really close for once."
Five years ago this attitude enchanted Finn. They had a crush on each other, then they banged together for a while, now they're friends. Finn liked what Anna made him feel, but wanted a relationship. It is just a person on the other side who can then feel more than pleasure and tingling.
The "Oh, man!" Feeling
Anna herself has never been unhappily in love. She only knows the "Oh, man!" Feeling when she hastily continued to write the story in her head after a nice date – but the other one doesn't want to see her again. It's not bad. The feeling of delight reverberates in her for a while, and her inner voice whispers to her: "Again!" That is why her affairs are so much better than one-night stands. How contagious are their self-confidence and their lightness! With her you want to let go of all feelings of shame. Maybe even throw conventions that you've set yourself overboard.
For her 34 years she still looks very youthful and playful. That could be due to the small fireworks in the head, which are always switched on when she thinks of a swarm or sees him again. And also on the securely staked field, which enables her to enjoy the moment without being emotionally exposed to the other person. But: "The greater the love, the bigger the hangover afterwards. It's like any other high." Anna can categorize this for herself: "Your counterpart reflects your best side. You feel good and want more of it. Then the binding hormones become active, and that is the moment that you simply have to sit out." For that she would never leave Max and neither would he.
"Daily Life". The opposite of Tinder – analog, not digital.
And anyway: you don't fall in love with every man she has something with. "It's such a magic that you can't force it. The more you want it, the more you feel that it can't be done." You have to be ready for it, you can't shut yourself up. And then it comes when you least expect it. "It's like on those magical nights, when you still have your head full of the whole day. With deadlines, emails, meetings. And then you sit with your laptop in your pocket, completely exhausted, next to your best friend in a bar, only for an after-work drink – and later dances through the night until the sun comes up again. "You couldn't have planned that." This is the best way for Anna to get to know her men: Looks meet. They don't speak volumes, but they do provide an outlook on an exciting chapter. You laugh with each other. Everything fits together as if you had been waiting for each other. Anna calls it "Daily Life". The opposite of Tinder – analog, not digital.
The reason why she likes Tinder and other portals less and less is also because of her growing popularity. Anna, who was once a street worker, not only talks explicitly about sex, she's now also writing about it, lots of columns and two books. And because sex sells, Anna Cinnamon is a little celebrity in her segment. "But I don't want men who want Anna cinnamon. I want them to be impartial."
Anna looks at the clock. "Oh, I have to go now!" She says, beaming. And because after such a conversation it is clear that the head cinema is on at the other side, but it is not at all necessary to ask what is going on tonight, Anna Zimt reveals that on her own: "My best friend is visiting . "
Podcast "Max and Anna Zimt – Stories of an Open Relationship ", this is where Max comes in. From April 15th, exclusively at Podimo.
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