relationship
6 love myths that endanger your partnership
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Nothing against myths, but blindly trusting them is not always entirely safe. You can find out which love myths you should be careful about here.
Almost everyone has something to say about love and partnership. That is why there is also a lot of supposed wisdom about this that is only partially correct on closer inspection or from an expert’s point of view. The psychologist and relationship expert Gary W. Lewandowski has compiled common love myths for “Psychologytoday” and put them to the test. And as it turns out, believing in it can in some cases even damage our relationship.
6 love myths that can endanger your partnership
1. Opposites attract
Most people know the saying and it sounds pretty good. But like some things that sound good, they should be treated with caution. The strange and different may have a special charm and an attractive effect on us. And complementing each other can be enriching and conducive to a relationship in some ways. However, as numerous studies suggest, similarities and similarities generally offer better conditions for a harmonious, stable and long-term partnership. From humor and the way of communicating to hobbies and values - couples who think similarly about things like this tend to stay together longer without conflict and longer than those who don’t share anything here.
2. Distance is fundamentally bad for the relationship
Long-distance relationships, working in different cities and only seeing each other three days a week – most of the models that deviate from the classic “live together and wake up next to each other every morning” are viewed more critically by many people. According to Lewandowski, however, a certain spatial distance can even have positive effects on a partnership. Couples who are separated from each other typically communicate better and have better experiences together during the time they spend together. According to a US survey, people who are in a long-distance relationship often even experienced their partnership as more loving, harmonious, more intense and more stable than couples who are constantly together. Of course, not everyone is a long distance relationship type. But that distance is fundamentally bad for love is obviously not true.
3. Bad feelings in the relationship are generally warning signs
If a partnership evokes negative emotions in us, this usually quickly raises doubts in us. Understandable. But according to Gary Lewandowski, research shows that not all negative feelings are a bad sign. So-called “soft” emotions such as sadness or being hurt are generally associated with relatively satisfied and low-conflict relationships and could even have a positive effect on the bond. On the other hand, according to Lewandowski, “hard” emotions such as anger and “fear-based” ones such as fear and being threatened are actually warning signals and a reason to reflect on the partnership.
4. In a relationship you have to be able to forgive
Certainly, it is often necessary and useful to forgive someone we love when they have hurt us. However, if that person does not feel genuine repentance and does not show that they sincerely care about our forgiveness, then according to Gary Lewandowski, it can damage our self-worth and self-respect to be lenient with them. In addition, a study of newlyweds showed that if one partner forgave particularly easily, the other one started arguments more often, became overly critical and behaved moodily in the relationship. So forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean that everything will be fine or better. Rather, it may even make living together more difficult.
5. Positive thinking is always the way to go
Focusing on the positive, perceiving and appreciating the beautiful things, being optimistic – this is advice that we hear again and again and that can actually help in many situations. But not in all of them. For couples who have deep-seated problems, too positive thinking often leads, according to Lewandowski, to them belittling their problems and ignoring them instead of working on them. Of course, it does not solve this in the long term, but is a fairly safe route to disaster. In the case of smaller, occasional conflicts, benevolence and a conscious look at the good things are a sensible strategy, according to the psychologist, but serious damage to a partnership could even worsen it in case of doubt.
6. In a relationship, one should always encourage one another
Feeling at home and in good hands – that is what many want from their partnership and put it above some others. Lewandowski, however, points out that sometimes it can be in the sense of: the loved one to be honest, even if we upset him: it offends them and does not convey a feeling of home. An example. Our partner is completely exhausted because she was in trouble in the office. She tells us about it and we hear out: Okay, she screwed up. She would feel at home if we told her everyone else is stupid, the world is mean, you haven’t done anything wrong. According to Lewandowski, however, it would be better for her, our relationship and our relationship of trust, to gently teach her that she has a certain share in her misery. “Your: e partner: in has a unique perspective on your weaknesses,” says the expert. “If she shares it with you, it gives you a chance to grow.” Until we bump our heads on cloud eight.
Source used: Psychologytoday.com