Our self-image influences what we believe in, what decisions we make, how we feel and behave. For many people, however, this is not the reality. You can read why and how we can deal with it here.
A tree, in our imagination, is a large plant with a thick, brown trunk, maybe a few branches, and some greenery. Probably leaves, maybe needles. Of course we know that he has roots, but they usually don’t play a big role in our imagination at first. The delicate vessels through which trees transport water from the ground up to their crowns and into their leaves. The ants and other insects that crawl up their trunks live on and with them. The birds that build their nests in the treetops.
The many individual, living, diverse cells that make up a tree that make it a habitat for numerous organisms and an important component of a livable climate on our planet. Our standard image of a tree does not usually reflect all of this. But all this and much, much more is a tree.
In our imagination we do not see the world as it is. We organize them into patterns and categories defined by a manageable number of properties. We schematize. We simplify. We judge. And that’s how we do it with our self-image.
Our self-image consists of self-schemes
“Throughout our lives, our brains form schemas that help us organize information and attach meaning to ourselves and our environment,” writes trauma psychologist Danielle Render Turmaud in Psychology Today. “This includes self-schemas, cognitive generalizations, and beliefs about ourselves that affect how we think, feel, and act.” Examples of such self-schemas are about I’m an extrovert, i’m athletic, i’m overweight, i’m smart, i’m shy, i’m lazy.
Strictly speaking, all these attributions are simplifications or generalizations. A person may be shy in their private life, but they may be outgoing at work – or would be if they didn’t think they were shy. Or a person must be able to see relevance and meaning in an activity in order to engage. And because she always lacked both in the tasks at school, she sees herself as lazy.
Like most of our ideas, our self-image is significantly shaped during our childhood and adolescence. According to the psychologist, it is fed by our experiences as well as the messages and feedback that we receive from other people about us. As a rule, we draw it unconsciously without noticing it.
Our self-image influences our self-worth and our actions
First of all, that’s just what happens. We have to order, generalize and simplify because we are unable to comprehend our environment or ourselves in our complexity. However, we experience disadvantages or difficulties when we have experiences or receive feedback that constitute a self-image that is not only simplified but also restrictive or wrong and that prevents us from developing and developing ourselves.
Let’s say we grow up as little sisters and whenever we’re sad or angry and cry, our big brother tells us we’re annoying. In terms of our self-image, this can mean that when we openly express our sadness or anger, we feel that we are a nuisance to those around us, and we train ourselves to suppress these feelings. If we differ from our classmates, for example because we are more sensitive, smarter, more creative or smaller than them, and if they exclude us because of this, this can have the consequence for our self-image that we see ourselves as weird, as different, wrong, unlovable. Although in truth we are particularly sensitive, clever, creative or small.
Another disadvantage that our schematic self-image can have is that it prevents us from discovering or expressing aspects of ourselves that are not in our schematic. For example, if we’ve decided we’re going to be chaotic, that may cause us to steer clear of any organizational tasks. But maybe we could overcome them if we tried. And perhaps many explanations that we find for our actions, our mistakes or for things that happen to us are not true at all, but only projections that fit our self-image. That is at least simplified, maybe even incorrect, but certainly does not correspond to the full reality.
How can we correct our self-image?
We will never see each other as we are. But how we see ourselves influences how we feel, what we believe in, how we behave. It is therefore in our interest to deal with our self-image and to develop one with which we can live as well as possible. One that we feel comfortable with, that lets us make bold decisions, but doesn’t let us constantly overestimate ourselves. One that is not rigid and finished, but open to adjustments, corrections and developments. According to the trauma expert, the following tips can help with this process.
1. Be curious
Who do I think I am? Why do I think I’m like this? What else could there be about me? Who do I want to be? If we meet ourselves with interest and curiosity, instead of prejudices and fixed opinions, we can on the one hand explore what we actually think about ourselves and why we do it, on the other hand discover sides of ourselves that we didn’t know yet.
2. Attack negative self-schemas
Since negative aspects of our self-image often damage our self-esteem and restrict us, we can best actively combat them. For example, instead of telling us I’m a loser, I do everything wrong could we talk to each other All people make mistakes, failing doesn’t make me a loser.
3. Question self-image
Since our self-image is a simplification resulting from experience, we can certainly subject individual aspects of it to an examination. Do I really seem that annoying and immature when I’m angry? Or am I not giving my fellow human beings clarity and showing maturity and authenticity?
4. Allow complexity
We are more than our strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, successes, advances and relationships. We are more than we can comprehend and we are all kinds of things at any one time. When we accept that, we can more easily acknowledge that we don’t need to understand everything we do, feel, or think. Sometimes we even overlook the most important thing, just like we don’t think about the roots when we imagine a tree. We are more than our self-image lets us imagine. We are wonderfully complex.
5. Seek help
Because our self-image is central to our lives, it can make sense to seek professional help to transform it. Psychotherapy may be appropriate, especially if we have had traumatic or negative experiences in our youth.
Sources used: psycologytoday.com, Kevin Dutton, Black.White. Think! Why we tick, how we tick, and how evolution makes us manipulable.