psychology
Setting this limit is difficult for almost all of us
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Distinguishing oneself from one’s needs in the thicket of human relationships is often not easy. In one respect in particular we often don’t make it: with our time.
In order to remain mentally healthy and at peace with ourselves, it is important that we set boundaries. When dealing with others, we must therefore state clearly if we do not feel comfortable with something. This includes boundaries in a sexual context or even verbal boundaries, when our counterpart chooses derogatory words and belittles us. A particularly important aspect where we need to draw clear lines is our time. And this demarcation is often the hardest for us.
We alone are responsible for our time
“No one on earth has more than 24 hours in a day,” explains therapist and relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab in the “mindbodygreen” podcast. If someone around us doesn’t respect our timeline, it’s because, harsh as it may sound, it’s because we allow it. This can be the girlfriend who always comes late as a matter of course, or the colleague who constantly expects us to take over his tasks. Or simply energy robbers with whom we don’t like to spend our time (anymore).
“If we say yes, we’re wasting our time,” Tawwab continues. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – after all, we’re happy to give some of our time to loved ones who appreciate it, by spending it with them or doing something for them. But in order to have enough time and energy for the things that are important to us, we must set clear boundaries when dealing with people who do not value our time enough and therefore rob us of energy instead of giving us some.
How can we better manage our time?
It sounds so simple in theory, but how do we manage in everyday life to differentiate ourselves more clearly from people and time wasters who are not good for us? “We have to be very conscious of the time we have,” explains Nedra Tawwab.
That means: first of all, be very clear about who and what things we like to spend time with and what our needs really are. Then we should ask ourselves which rather unpleasant things cannot be avoided. And based on these two categories we can divide our time. Then, when people request time from us, either to meet with us or to ask us to do something for them, we can weigh how valuable that investment of time really is to us.
Honest and clear communication is required here. This may not be easy for many of us, after all it is not nice for anyone to tell another person that we do not want to spend time with them or do them a favor. But remember: No is a complete sentence. And after all, we all only have 24 hours a day – let’s use them in such a way that we create added value for ourselves and ultimately for others too.
Sources used: mindbodygreen.com