Love is the answer to all questions? Not quite. It also makes quite a few. Psychologist and couple therapist Oskar Holzberg answers them all.
They would not have to go if they were so conflictive that they could "warn". Of course there is no one answer. Men are not eggs in which one should be like the other. If a man leaves his partner without warning, it may be that he has never really cared about her. He never really lived in the relationship because he can't live relationships at all. For this he lacks empathy and compassion. Fortunately, real psychopaths are fortunately rare.
Another possibility would be that the man fears conflict so much that it secretly disappears. Because he would never have the courage to go if his partner opposed it. Or because he feels so guilty at the thought of hurting his partner that he can only move quietly away. Otherwise his feelings of guilt would overtake him and hold him in indissolubly.
Lack of respect
In most cases, however, there is an explanation that lies in the dynamics of relationships. Let's say Eve doesn't feel respect from Adam. She is hurt and upset and accuses Adam of his lack of respect. Adam feels attacked. Now he either defends himself vehemently and also gets angry. Or he defends himself, but withdraws inwardly affected. Both reactions are unsatisfactory for Eva. For this reason, she will once again put forward her request with greater emphasis. To which Adam reacts with either more anger or more withdrawal. And already Eva and Adam are caught in a cycle that is constantly reinforcing itself.
Sure: something like this can also happen between Eve and Eve or Adam and Adam. But in relationships between Eve and Adam, it is a pattern that often arises more easily in this typical way. Because many men still find it harder to deal with emotions than women because they tend to be brought up a little like emotions. "He's not talking about it?" – "He's just a boy!"
If adult men are then asked about their feelings, in the worst case they can "not even breathe and talk at the same time", as an irritated partner put it. They feel that they are not up to the challenge of emotional conflict. They verbally pull the short and hide in themselves, for which they immediately get more criticism. If things go badly, at some point it appears to them that no matter what they do, it will never be enough for their partner. You feel insufficient.
If you then meet someone whom you feel valued, you will of course not tell. Because now they are actually behaving as wrong as they have been feeling all along. They remain speechless and at some point they surprisingly moved out. They are prisoners of the emotional retreat they have found in the relationship. Feelings of worthlessness envelop them like an invisible cloud.
It just seems that they float out of the relationship without warning. Because they actually disappeared long before. Her silence was the warning that was not heard.
Would you like to read more about the topic and exchange ideas with other women? Then have a look at the "separation forum" of the BRIGITTE community past!
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