Intimate relationships are not essential for everyone. While part of the population may suffer from a non-existent sex life, another decides to give it up. This sexual abstinence, when it is voluntary, intervenes to defend certain convictions or out of simple weariness of experiences lived under the sheets. In any case, and while the benefits of sexual intercourse, particularly orgasm, on the human body have been widely documented, does this decision influence the physical or emotional well-being of the people who have it? socket ? Olivia Benhamou, psychologist and sexologist, provides some answers.
Sexual abstinence chosen and sometimes claimed
How can we deliberately choose not to have sex anymore? It is appropriate first to discuss the latest observations made regarding sexuality in France. According to investigation carried out in February 2024 by Ifop, the proportion of French men and women having had sexual intercourse during the past year “has never been so weak in fifty years”, and table at 76% on average.
This sexual recession also leaves room for certain behaviors. Men and women no longer feel desire and in fact choose abstinence. Some also wonder if they are asexual. “These are people who come because they have had an unsatisfactory sex life. I would say that as the press talks a lot more about this notion, it resonates and people wonder“, explains Olivia Benhamou, who also points out “a decrease in desire among the women who consult her.
Different personalities are speaking out and saying it loud and clear: sex is over. On her personal blog, Drew Barrymore, for example, recounted her sexual abstinence since her divorce in 2016 and explained that she had arrived “at an epiphany point where love and sex just aren’t the same thing“. In France, Ovidie announced that he had made the same decision, but for another reason. In his book The flesh is sad, alasthe author and director of feminist porn films explains why she decided 5 years ago to “coming out of heterosexuality” and of “go on sex strike” to avoid all the sacrifices and disappointments associated with it.
Some women then decide to embody a reality: they feel no desire, sex does not interest them or they no longer want to spend time on it. Another survey published in 2023 by Ifop also indicated that single women attach much less importance to sex than a little over 15 years ago: while they were 83% in 2006, they are now 58%.
On social networks, men are also speaking out. Like comedian and TikToker LexisRoy, who has not had sex for five years of his own volition. “I thrive on my own. For me it’s a waste of time and energy“, he confided to Simoneevoking a “sex obligation” which didn’t suit him.
Other men are speaking out on the subject after making such a decision. In the columns of Kombini, Julien, 30, said he had been abstinent for two years. “I wanted to sleep alone, I didn’t want to risk disappointing or being sexually disappointed. I wanted to belong to myself and no longer form the slightest physical connection with anyone“, he says.
Sexual abstinence: what physical or psychological benefits?
It’s no longer a secret that sex brings several benefits to the body and mind of a human being. Sexual relations would indeed help maintain good blood pressure and stimulate the cardiovascular system. They would also be an effective antidepressant, help fight stress and improve the quality of our nights. Mechanically, no longer practicing sex would therefore imply enjoying these benefits less.
A study published in theAmerican Journal of Medicine also argued that sexual abstinence in men could lead to erectile dysfunction. Among women, a study by researchers at Anglia Ruskin University found that those who practiced little sex were already living with a 64% higher risk of being in poor health. The following year, other work revealed that reduced sexual activity could bring forward the arrival of menopause.
Despite the conclusions of these studies, sex can still be put aside. For some, intimacy is sometimes perceived with apprehension. “There may be a physiological need to release, but I think that in the very anxious men I meet, who choose not to have sex for fear of not being up to the task, can do very well without it: l anxiety is so strong that it takes precedence over everything else“, takes Olivia Benhamou as an example.
For the psychologist, the real benefits brought by sexual abstinence mainly relate to the configuration in question. If it is a choice with which a person agrees, that they feel have been used too much by their partners, that their desire has not been sufficiently taken into account, it is the result of a frustration. And stopping all sexual practice can become a deliverance.
In his book Abstinent Bodies, Emmanuelle Richard says that she discovered as many situations as individuals. “There are quite a few things and this can really reveal very positive dimensions, such as for example, one’s capacity for emotional and sexual autonomy which one would not have been able to glimpse or envisage without it.“, says the novelist to France Inter.
Some
Those who do not choose to be abstinent
It is worth remembering, however, that a certain part of the population who does not have sex does not consider it a choice. If abstinence can be voluntary and applied over the long term, or even temporary due to pregnancy, illness or death, it can also be permanent and occur in spite of oneself. The apprehensions and anxieties linked to the act or an attack can thus push anyone to refuse to have sex again. And abstinence here reflects real suffering.
Thanks to Olivia Benhamou, psychologist and sexologist.
Additional sources:
- Ifop study for LELO carried out by self-administered online questionnaire from December 29, 2023 to January 2, 2024 with a sample of 1,911 people, representative of the French population aged 18 and over.
- Ifop study for Disons Demain carried out by self-administered online questionnaire from January 20 to 24, 2023 with a representative national sample of 3,003 people, representative of the single French population aged 15 and over.
- Regular intercourse protects against erectile dysfunction: Tampere Aging Male Urologic Study – American Journal of Medicine
- Declines in Sexual Activity and Function Predict Incident Health Problems in Older Adults: Prospective Findings from the English Longitudinal Study of Aging – Archives of Sexual Behavior
- Sexual frequency is associated with age of natural menopause: results from the Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation – Royal Society Open Science
- Testimony: I decided not to sleep with anyone for 2 years and this abstinence changed my life – Konbini
- “The time of sexual abstinence can be lived with great fulfillment” – Emmanuelle Richard – France Inter