Sexual abuse: why women don't file a complaint

Almost every seventh woman living in Germany has experienced sexual violence at some point in her life. In a relationship it's every fourth. These figures from the human rights organization Terre de Femmes may be shocking, but they are only the tip of a deep, huge iceberg. Because it is assumed that only five percent of all sexual crimes are reported at all.

That means: The number of unreported cases should be significantly higher. Most of all, these statistics are more than numbers. The Instagram page "Why I didn't report" now gives them a face.

The accounts collect the stories of people who have experienced sexual abuse – and who have never reported it. He shows hundreds of pictures of notebooks filled with painful experiences. The sheer number of victims who take part in the action is enough to swallow. And then you start reading …

"He was my teacher"

"He was my teacher in Sunday school," writes one woman. The notepad with the black, heavy letters hides her face. She did not remain silent – but her "parents said he certainly would not have meant it ".

"I was only 11 years old"

"I was only 11," writes another young woman. She was told that boys would do this sort of thing if they liked a girl. Then she writes a sentence that will be repeated many times in the following confessions: "I was afraid that nobody would believe me."

"My father told him he could do whatever he wanted to me"

Another victim was just 13 years old when she was molested. She is not alone in this. People tell of experiences from young childhood that they thought were a nasty nightmare. However, this woman was wide awake and knows what happened to her: "It was one of my father's best friends. My dad told him he could do whatever he wanted to me." But later no one believed this victim either – because she had no evidence. "I still think it was my fault"is her last sentence. She is not alone in this either.

"I thought I was overreacting"

There are only a few words that say so much: "I thought I was overreacting". The comments below this picture show that many people feel like this: "They are good at making us feel that way. Gaslighting and manipulation. It's not your fault. You will heal, "writes a user below.

"I thought I was in love"

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From @loveistheammo (TW: assault) “While on my #mentalhealth hiatus from Instagram I came across #whyididntreport – a page that hosts the stories of hundreds of survivors of abuse who’s assaults were never reported. – I am a survivor of interrelationship rape. My first boyfriend raped me, in my own bed, in an attempt to quell my burgeoning femininity. I remember him yelling over and over again: "I'm going to teach you how to take it like a man." He left me a week later, on the day after my birthday, after a close friend confessed to me that he had tried to initiate sex with them, in my bathroom, at my birthday party. – When I first began telling people, the overwhelming response was: "how could you not leave him immediately after he assaulted you?" The truth is: I didn't even know I had been assaulted. I was raised in an extremely religious home. I had never been taught about #consent or rape. I had been made to believe that rape could only happen between strangers in back alleys: not in the comfort of my own home. – So when my doctor at @plannedparenthood informed me that I showed signs of tearing around my sexual orifice: I waved it off. I told her my boyfriend liked rough sex, and that he didn’t always ask permission to penetrate me. She asked me if that had happened recently. I said: "yes." She asked me if I had said no. I told her that I had, several times, and that he still proceeded to violently penetrate me. My doctor then explained to me that I had been raped by my boyfriend. I remember thinking: "how can someone be raped when they are in love?" – I wrote about my assault during the #MeToo movement in @people magazine. Even then, I was too scared to say my abuser’s name for fear that he might come after me, hurt me, or sue me. Today I would like to name him: – Tim Young: recording artist and actor in Brooklyn, New York. Tim has worked with artists like @ashanti and has won numerous #Grammys for his compositions in films like #TheGreatestShowman and his involvement with plays like @dearevanhansen. – To Tim I say: I realize now that I never loved you. I know you never loved me. I was young, I was naive, and I was scared. – But I'm not scared, anymore. "

A post shared by Why I Didn’t Report (@whyididntreport) on Sep 16, 2020 at 11:55 am PDT