Stop the optimization mania: 5 relaxed tips from Hanna Dietz

No more optimization mania
5 tips on how to relax when you no longer want to impress anyone

Now it’s over. Honest! We’re not in the schoolyard anymore, trying desperately to qualify for one of the cool cliques. Which was terribly exhausting. And at least it didn’t work for me. I was comforted by the belief that the compulsion to be cool would end as soon as I grew up. Because then I would no longer worry about how I come across to others. What a grand misjudgment! Nothing gets better. It will only be different. And a lot harder than it’s ever been. Instead of just impressing with Adidas Allround and studded belts, there are a thousand times more opportunities to impress family, friends and acquaintances in adulthood. So much show potential everywhere! You can show off with tattoos, tomatoes (hand-grown) and triathlons, with careers, children and culinary feats. Impressing others has almost become a national sport. But I’m getting out. And I realized how much it relaxes me not wanting to impress anyone anymore. Not even myself anymore.

1. No more stress talk

Stress is a popular topic of conversation among mothers. How job, children, household and partner keep them on their toes, and what they still manage to do. Everyday performance as a method to impress. Which also works. I have great respect for all parents who support family and job! The problem is that I immediately check myself in such conversations. And I feel compelled to also tell how much I have to do and what family crises I have to deal with. Which quickly leads to a kind of competition as to who has the more strenuous life. After these conversations, I often felt as exhausted as after a cross-country run with a child’s bike over my shoulder. Talking about stress is also stressful. Even if you’re having a nice cup of coffee. Of course it is important to pour out your heart and discuss problems. But getting into a competition to see who has the most stress is pointless. Because there is nothing to gain.

2. Setting a bad example!

There were horses at Lola’s party and a professional photographer photographed the fashion show at Anastasia’s. Now my friend Dilara is trying to figure out how to keep up. Not because of daughter Sara. But out of fear of looking bad in front of the other mothers. It hadn’t occurred to her that things could go the same way for her. No wonder: we are drummed into it from an early age that we should follow a good example. “Susanne can cycle without training wheels. You can do that too!” It’s still like that today.

People say: “Wow, Bernhard is running a marathon. I should start jogging too!” Somehow no one comes up with the idea of ​​saying: “Whoa, Karolin is such a lazy pig, she doesn’t move a bit voluntarily. I have to hang out on the sofa more!” Too bad actually. I think you should set a bad example every now and then. Or set a bad example yourself. Then the spiral would be higher, faster, better interrupted. The standards could regulate themselves and mediocrity could shine with new splendor.

3. Hara hachi bu (… and no more optimization mania)

What sounds like the title of a lullaby describes the Japanese rule of eating only until you are not hungry. This rule is said to be one of the reasons for the health of many Japanese into old age. I think that’s a great concept for work too. Doing everything is impressive. Create three quarters, healthier. Since practicing hara hachi bu, I’ve felt better. For example, I no longer clean all the windows at once. Or rake weeds until I’m sweating and sink exhausted onto the sofa. Then there will be more energy for things that are fun!

4. A spell against overload

Expectation is a despotic companion. She demands not only to do the duty, but also the freestyle. Kitchen cleaned, quickly bake a cake. Food cooked, still nicely decorate the table. Finally a break for a coffee, then one of the children comes and wants to be driven to the drugstore, the deodorant is gone. For a long time I couldn’t resist the urge to impress myself with my tireless dedication to family.

But now I’ve found a magic spell that helps against too high expectations. It’s as magical as it is simple. Everybody knows him. But for mothers in particular, it seems to have been erased from their memory by the feeling of constantly having to be there for others. I rediscovered him. It reads: I don’t want to do that. Five words and the expectations vanish into thin air. You can relax – and get to know yourself again: As a woman with your own needs.

5. The To Don’t List

We have dedicated our lives to the to-do list. Now it’s time for the to-don’t list. Then comes everything that we have only done out of a sense of duty and habit. Clean up the basement even though we want to sit in the sun. Strive for optimization. Make everyone happy. Allow yourself to be pressured by expectations. want to impress.

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de