Everything over and over? Now don't rush anything. If you want to win back your love, you should be strategic. Love coach Emanuel Albert reveals which measures are working.
The radio is playing our song and his sweater is still in the closet – oh god, how much it is missing! When great love has ended, usually only a big, black hole remains. Everything seems so pointless because you realize: without him everything is stupid! But off doesn't have to mean off. It is often worth fighting for your ex – and winning your heart over again.
Emanuel Albert is a relationship coach. His specialty: bringing the ex back! Together with his clients he works out strategies to make himself interesting for the other again. "70 to 80 percent of my clients get back together with their ex. IF they stick to the strategy!" Says Albert. This varies depending on the case and must always be carried out strictly. Beware of those who say: I don't play games and don't pretend – the strategy is certainly not suitable for them.
Do I even want him back?
That is the first question you have to ask yourself. Is it really worth it? Was I happy with him at all? If the relationship has broken up because of a bad breach of trust or violence, Albert advises against a love comeback. "So much is broken there. If you can't let go, you hurt yourself." Otherwise the recapture maneuver can start. "If my partner leaves, it just means that he no longer has the right emotions for me. But they can be rebuilt!" Says the relationship coach. His credo: Love is not a supernatural power, but simply a reaction to certain key stimuli. "If my ex has loved me before, he can do it again. It's like a flooded engine that has to be started again."
The most important thing: don't run after him
Bombard him with WhatsApp messages, sobbing on the AB, loitering on his doorstep? Under no circumstance! In essence, it's always about contacting the ex WITHOUT showing too much interest. There should be a break in broadcasting in the first three weeks after the separation. Give your ex time to miss you. After that you shouldn't call, but rather write an SMS. "You are often much too nervous on the phone – and the other notices that immediately!" Says Albert.
What should I write?
It's best to incorporate emotional contradictions into your messages, for example by creating closeness and distance at the same time. An example: "Had to think of you somehow. I have no idea why." In essence, stick to the truth. To feign a new relationship with him usually backfires. "The ex will find out anyway whether you're taken again. If I'm exposed as a liar, I don't exactly arouse his interest," says Albert. Small falsehoods like "At the moment I flirt a lot" are allowed.
Make yourself attractive again
A big mistake: post sad pictures on social networks! You have to be very careful what the other learns about you. Only post pictures that show you are cheerful, self-confident and active – for example on vacation, at activities or when celebrating. Your ex should have the impression that you are doing fine as a single. Because that makes you look attractive and independent. Therefore, do not talk to friends or relatives of the ex-partner about your grief.
Help chance on the jumps
Do you know where your ex is often? Perfect – then you do that too from now on! But then gallantly avoid him – do not say hello or goodbye! You shouldn't overdo it with the "random" encounters …
If you meet him at parties, it's best to keep talking to men. Smile, run your hair, look happy and desirable! The expert advises: "Position yourself so that your ex sees you, but you always turn your back on him."
What if I was the one who broke up?
You only noticed after the separation how much you love your ex-partner? Even then, a recapture is worthwhile. "In that case, I can even allow myself more contact," says Albert. "However, I may have hurt the other person and have to show him that I'm really serious."
Come closer again – what now?
Your ex responds quickly to messages, writes more text than you and maybe even suggests a meeting – bravo, then you're back in the game! "Just don't get impatient now," warns Albert, "to talk quickly about a relationship again is absolutely taboo! It's best not to name the situation at all and wait and see."
Accept when it's over
Sure, even the best strategy can fail. Doesn't he respond to the first message? That alone is not a broken leg. Some people just need time. But if the ex does not react to advances for several months, then he is probably not interested in the love comeback.
Emanuel Albert is a communication and relationship coach in Berlin and Munich. On his blog "DateDoktor Emanuel" he writes about how to save a relationship, conquer or bring back a love. He knows his way around: He has also fought successfully for his ex. Today he is happily married.