study
So many women have sex when they don’t feel like it
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Women have sex with their boyfriend because they feel they have to. They even engage in practices they are not comfortable with.
“Oh, come on, you want it too!” – no, the woman actually doesn’t want it, at least far less often than many men think. One study von femtasy in cooperation with Facts & Stories interviewed women and wanted to find out: What beliefs do heterosexual cis women still follow today? Unfortunately, the answers should only surprise a few women. Still, they’re terrifying.
Sex study: “I was young and thought it had to be like this”
The so-called “orgasm gap” is still an issue today. According to this, around 91 percent of men have an orgasm during sex – and less than two thirds of women (64 percent). The problem runs deep: role models, sex as a taboo subject, the inability to recognize one’s own needs – because as a woman one has never learned to discover them – are just a few factors that lead to an imbalance in the orgasm of the sexes. “Often my patients don’t even know what they want themselves. Men, on the other hand, want to make their partner happy. But they don’t know how either.”explains sex therapist Gabriele Aigner to the Bavarian radio.
Almost a third (32 percent) of the women surveyed said they fake orgasm “sometimes to (almost) always”. 44 percent gave the reason that they don’t want to disappoint their partner, 42 percent want to bring about an end to sexual intercourse – and are according to another study not alone. So it happens that women fake an orgasm out of sheer boredom so that the sex can end faster.
But it is not only when it comes to orgasm that women put their own needs aside: More than every second woman (54 percent) has sex even though she doesn’t feel like it. Why? In order not to disappoint the partner – at least that was the reason for most respondents (32 percent).
For women, sex and dating means above all stress
What could be a wonderful moment together with your loved one is in reality usually associated with a lot of stress for the woman: More than half of those surveyed (63 percent) believe that they have to make a literal “nude” out of the act , by “performing” – for example by moaning loudly during sex. Worse, just over half of respondents (53 percent) engage in sex practices they are not actually comfortable with, such as anal sex or oral sex. Once again very clearly:
Every second woman does sexual things with which she does not feel comfortable or endures sexual things that make her uncomfortable.
Sex is also associated with shame in relation to dating — at least for the women surveyed. About a third (30 percent) think having many different sex partners makes them less attractive. A quarter (25 percent) would like to have sex with a man on a first date, but don’t for fear of looking “cheap”.
How can women break the vicious circle?
Many answers are the consequence of various factors, some of which affect our entire society: the image of the reserved woman who primarily wants to please the man still lingers in the minds of many people – regardless of gender. Ultimately, society will not change if the individual does not change, does not begin to question conventions and expectations and eventually break them.
Open communication in your own relationship is an immensely important step: As a woman, where do you want to be touched – where not? Which practices would you like to try, which ones are not yours at all? When it comes to dating, it’s up to the woman to ask herself: why do we all put additional obstacles in our way with “rules” by which we should behave? It’s up to women to know their worth and what they want in a partner. Certainly, that’s easier said than done. After all, no woman in this society has been raised in a bubble: the conventions that surround gender roles accompany each of us throughout our lives.
That’s why every single step is important: from the women, but also from the men, who have to learn that their needs are not the only ones that matter in a relationship. Many already recognize this, many have a relationship with their partners on an equal footing. But there is still a lot to do. EResults such as those from the present study show this very clearly. It’s up to us – all – to defy the sometimes sexist and misogynist “rules”.
Sources used: breakthescript.de, link.springer.com, stern.de, br.de