Study shows:
Why you should get in touch with your favorite people “just like that” more often
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Do you sometimes hesitate to write to someone after a long time and does it even make a difference whether we get in touch or whether others contact us? According to a new study, that might be the case.
An unannounced phone call or text message on your cell phone, just out of nowhere. A little thing that gives us something positive: namely that someone thinks of us and is interested in us and our lives. That alone can lift our spirits significantly. But the more surprising the news comes, the better it seems to have an effect, like one new study of the American Psychological Association (in German: “American Psychological Association”) possibly shows.
“Basically, humans are social creatures and enjoy contact with others,” says lead author Peggy Liu of the US University of Pittsburgh. A lot of previous research has also already shown that social contacts are good for mental and physical health, she explains. But people would often ignore how happy other people can be when you approach them or simply ask about them. Which, fortunately, can be done quickly and easily.
Do something good for others and ourselves
The researchers wanted to know how much others appreciate it when you seek contact with them and what factors make this even better. To do this, they conducted several experiments with 5,900 subjects, in which different situations were tested. Experiment 1:
- One group shared when they last wrote a message to someone from their circle of friends or acquaintances “just like that”. Just to say hello or hear from them again. It didn’t matter whether that was done by phone, email, or text, but the condition had to be that the last contact was a while ago.
- The other group stated when the last time an acquaintance or friend approached them after a long time.
- Both groups were then asked to rate how much either the other person or themselves (depending on the situation) felt valued, grateful, satisfied or delighted by the action.
The result: The people who reached out to others believed that the story was much less valued than the people who got the message said it was.
And how is it in reality?
In a second experiment, the theoretical test was also put into practice. Experiment 2:
- One group wrote a message or even a small text with a gift to a person they knew who they had not been in contact with for a long time.
- The people who received something were then asked what the gesture had triggered in them.
The result: Again, those who reported believed that their message was less valued than their acquaintances later indicated.
One variable affects us in particular
The more surprising the contact seemed to the people who received a message, the higher the esteem of these people. The fascinating thing: the others, i.e. the senders, had exactly the opposite feeling. The more surprising the message was, the more they thought that the recipients would be less interested. What does that mean for us now? Quite simply: If you ever have the feeling (as some of us often do) that you can no longer get in touch with a person after too long, then remember that the:the other person probably still cares a lot will be happier about it than would have been the case after a short time. Our worries that others may no longer be interested in us or react strangely are often unfounded.
Most of the time, it’s just that both people worry too much: “I sometimes hesitate before writing to people from my pre-pandemic life,” explains the study’s lead author, Peggy Liu. “When that happens, I think about the findings of this study and remind myself that other people might also want to write to me, but are hesitant for the same reasons I am.” Then she remarks that she herself appreciates the contact very much and that there is no reason why it is not the same with the acquaintance. So we learn from this: Sometimes we should fight less with ourselves and just do it.
Source used: phys.org, American Psychological Association