Scientifically proven
There’s a biological reason your partner won’t admit they’re wrong
© Strelciuc / Adobe Stock
If you’re arguing with your partner because they’ll never admit they’re wrong, save the energy for other things because there’s a scientific reason for that.
Who knows this situation: You’re having a heated argument with your partner that you never thought had the potential to go beyond a “yes, you’re right” on their part. And yet you’ve both stood there for ten minutes throwing arguments—or in his case, outright lies—at each other.
And what is it about? About the question of whether you have eaten in a restaurant before or not. You remember it well: It was Friday 12th July, you shared an appetizer and the main course was delicious, only the wine tasted stale, so you decided not to order it next time. This memory is so clear in your head that you could draw a sketch of the situation – but according to your partner, this evening never happened, nothing was shared, there was no delicious main course and sometimes no wine at all. Please what?
Every argument bounces off, every piece of evidence (like photos from the evening together) is ignored, the wall of stubbornness has been erected and seems insurmountable. What exactly just happened here? Why do some people – and men tend to be these – seem so incapable of admitting when they’re wrong? In fact, science has found a reason for this.
People don’t like to own up to their mistakes
Regardless of gender, one came study to the conclusion that people generally do not necessarily like to admit their mistakes – for a wide variety of reasons. People who feel uncomfortable with owning up to their own mistakes stated in the survey that they
- believe admitting mistakes makes them vulnerable to rejection or ridicule (66 percent)
- feel “humiliated” when someone points out their mistakes (64 percent)
- feel put down by criticism from others (65 percent)
The scientists also found that people who are reluctant to admit a mistake tend to have “deep-seated insecurities”: For example, they fear that others will lose respect for them if they admit to having done something wrong (55 percent) or are afraid of revealing their true (“flawed”) self in front of others because they are afraid of being disliked (50 percent). About half of those surveyed (49 percent) admit that they fundamentally dislike themselves.
In men, testosterone provides a particularly high level of self-confidence
And what about men in particular? The guy who shoots first and asks questions later may be an over-the-top character from 1970s westerns and cop movies—but like any cliché, this one has a kernel of truth (if significantly less cartoonish). Researchers from Caltech, the Wharton School, Western University and the ZRT Laboratory recently tested the hypothesis that higher testosterone levels in men increase the tendency to rely on their intuitive judgement. On the other hand, there is cognitive reflection, after which a person pauses briefly during a decision-making process to question the meaningfulness of the gut feeling.
For the Investigation half of the men were given testosterone and the other half received a placebo. The result: The testosterone group performed significantly worse than the placebo group in a question and answer session and was able to correctly answer 20 percent fewer questions on average. Particularly exciting: The results “show a clear and stable causal effect of testosterone on human cognition and decision-making,” according to the scientists in a Caltech press release.
It is believed that testosterone in general increases “male aspirations for social status. Recent studies have also shown that self-confidence improves status”. The researchers believe that the observed phenomenon can be linked to the confidence-enhancing effects of testosterone. Caltech’s Colin Camerer says, “We think it works by increasing confidence. When you’re more confident, you feel like you’re right and don’t have enough self-doubt to correct mistakes.”
Thus, testosterone would either inhibit the process of mentally evaluating one’s own performance – or reinforce the feeling that one’s intuitive feeling is definitely right. What we can take away from this: In your partner’s head, you might really never have been to said restaurant – it’s not his fault, it’s the biochemistry. Or maybe he just wants to annoy you.
Sources used: yourtango.com, caltech.edu, researchgate.net, journals.sagepub.com