Telling a Child They’re Mature for Their Age Isn’t a Compliment and Here’s Why, According to a Psychologist

Among the compliments frequently given to children is that of age. Who has not, one day, met a toddler whom he found more thoughtful, more level-headed, and more composed than other children his age? Who hasn’t found it admirable that a little one takes care of a job supposed to be reserved for adults? In this case, it is It is common to tell the child concerned that he is “mature”. We assume that this is a laudable quality, that hearing these words will give him pleasure, and will make him feel valued.

However, as psychologist Justin Vafa William indicated at Huffington Post, the impact of this sentence is not that positive. It would even have deleterious effects on the development of a child. When we tell him that he is mature, we unintentionally place him (too) early in an adult role. “He is also denied the ability to be that carefree child who learns, develops, makes mistakes and learns from his mistakes”explains the psychologist.

“Parentification”: what is it and why is it bad?

The therapist discusses the concept of “parentification”. This is a situation where a child assumes responsibility parental responsibility towards one’s brothers and sisters, or even one’s parents, whether he takes care of household chores, bills, or carries other responsibilities that he should not be responsible for at his age. “Vsee the child from the perspective of his maturity [et des tâches qu’il assume, NDRL] contributes to its parentification »warns the professional.

In addition to denying the child his strictest right to enjoy the lightness of his age, the phenomenon of parentification also causes pressure on the child, which can feeling obliged to perform this role of a devoted little being. For fear of making mistakes and no longer fulfilling his role, he could restrain himself in a number of situations. However, a child sometimes needs to test his limits, to be clumsy or irrational, psychologists point out.

What should you say to a child other than “you’re mature”?

In the opinion of specialists, children considered mature often become adults who do not know how to listen to themselves and take care of themselves. By caring for others during childhood, they have been trained to put the needs of others before their own.. “You might have trouble asking for help even when you need it. You could minimize and reject your own feelings or needs, you may have more difficulty setting or establishing boundaries. You might have mental health problems »warns Maggie Lancioni, another licensed professional counselor based in New Jersey.

The therapists provided keys to avoid making a mistake. Rather than complimenting a child’s supposed maturity, it is better to focus on specific behaviors or actions and praise their independence rather than their maturity. “Also remind him that he can always ask you for help if he needs it”finally advises the specialist.

Camille Bonvalet has an interest in societal subjects and feminist issues. She is also passionate about literature. Versatile, she appreciates the prose of Flaubert as much as that of Michel…