MaïA’S SEX FICTION
What do sex toys mean? Who will free small penises? How to write a politically irreproachable porn film? Because some questions do not (yet!) have an answer, the wisest course is certainly to invent them. This summer, the columnist of “La Matinale” Maïa Mazaurette approaches sex from its fictional side.
Dear Client. You have just acquired the Jardin des délices(tm) set, the latest model in the FLESHCRUSH range. The best of sextech is now in your sweaty hands of anticipatory fervor. This box includes the thirty-four assemblable elements, the two processors, the three cables and the two adapters allowing your access to pleasures hitherto inaccessible to the human body (and, even more, to the human bodies being satisfied with the derisory products offered by our competitors).
Le Jardin des délices(tm) received the Sex’Innovation 2024 prize, distributed by an almost entirely independent jury. FLESHCRUSH Magazine elected him “millennium sex toy”while “FLESHCRUSH Podcast” did not hesitate to pronounce the expression “goofy stuff”.
After one hundred and fourteen minutes of use, 97% of women and 98% of men declare themselves “absolutely demolished with pleasure”, “willing to call their mother” and “in communion with the rings of Saturn” (study conducted on six volunteers, in the laboratory, in Hawaii, after three glasses of planter punch).
To activate your FLESHCRUSH, create your secure account on Myflesh.com. You will then have a confidential @myflesh address. For that, nothing could be easier! Fill in your e-mail, your address, your telephone number as well as its activation PIN, your Social Security number, your food preferences, then upload your vaccination record, your last tax statement, birth certificate apostilled from your four grandparents, and voila! Your sextoy is now almost, almost, ready for use.
In order to favor an optimal personalization of your FLESHCRUSH, enter now on your profile some details which will allow to know you better – and to better satisfy you: precise location of your erogenous zones, triggering fantasies, occasional fantasies, libidinal curves, number of past partners and present, degree of sensitivity to pain, duration of access to orgasm, fasting testosterone levels, childhood trauma, perversions, shame, disgust, night terrors, criminal record.
You have 63.49% of this article left to read. The following is for subscribers only.