During infancy, temper tantrums can be uncontrollable in toddlers: several phases have been identified as the most difficult for parents to manage during their life (Terrible two, Threenagers). An educational method makes it possible to properly manage the frustrations of the child: it is the technique of “2 things are true”.
Educational methods, educational techniques and other parental advice abound on social networks. Whether it’s ordinary parents like you and me, specialized people such as certified parenting coaches, everyone has a little commentary to help novice or experienced parents educate their offspring and flourish in their parenthood. Among the professionals whose pedagogical methods have become popular on the internet, we find that of Dr. Becky Kennedy found on Instagram under the name @drbeckyatgoodinside
The psychologist offers her own educational approach which she named “Good Inside”whose promise is to “allowing yourself to be a parent who possesses both firm/strict boundaries and a capacity for warm validation” ; in short, a dad or a mom who demonstrates authority as well as empathy. In line with his approach, we find the technique of “Two things are true”translatable into French by the technique “Two things are true”. But what does it consist of? When the child violently opposes parental authority and/or breaks a rule, the parents verbally remind them of the existence of the said rule of lifewhile openly acknowledging the feelings of their darling child.
What’s next after this ad
“2 things are true” technique: how is it in practice?
Situation. It’s time to go to bed but the child disobeys you and continues to watch television. You overhear him, verbally rebuke him, and feel the anger growing on both sides. The blond head then begins to scream, to cry, to take a uncontrollable temper tantrum. Rather than turning off the TV and ordering her to go to bed immediately, Dr. Becky Kennedy advocates telling her this instead: “Two things are true: you have the right to be angry, but it’s time to sleep. I suggest instead that we choose what you will watch tomorrow.”
The technique could be schematized as follows: Validation of emotions => Reminder and implementation of the rule => Rewarding words. It reminds a bit of “sandwich feedback method” : we state one thing which will be perceived positively by the child (the recognition of his emotions), then a second thing which will be perceived negatively (the reminder of the rules and potentially the punishment, according to the parental style), and we close the discussion with a pleasing element; in other words, positive => negative => positive.
What’s next after this ad
Manage the child’s frustration by naming it
As you know, a child’s anger is not just a whim. Indeed, it can also come from other diverse and varied reasons: he does not feel well physically and/or mentally (pain in one place, stress, fear), he is tired, he is hungry, he feels alone and needs attention etc. However, just like adults, he needs to exteriorize this emotion to get better. The problem is that at this young age (and especially during the early childhood), it is difficult to put a name to one’s emotions, to verbalize them and/or to exteriorize/express them through speech. It is for this reason that the toddler chooses anger, physical agitation and aggression to express it.
Dr. Becky’s technique is terribly effective for fight this frustration experienced by young children. Thanks to it, the parent explicitly names the emotion felt, where the child himself was unable to identify it and put a name to it: this initially makes it possible to calm this agitation that he deployed for lack of being able to express itself otherwise.
What’s next after this ad
The technique of “2 things are true” helps to avoid crises
The verbal hook “2 things are true” provides an introduction benevolent and empathetic towards the kid: by pronouncing this sentence, the dad and/or the mom confirms to him that the emotion he feels is “real” and that it exists, rather than ignoring it: the emotional needs of the child and his feelings are taken into account in their entirety by the parents; therefore, the toddler feels understood and does not feel the need to scramble to be heard. Some young children may be tempted to outbid you for your attention if you don’t see/acknowledge their emotional distress.
Finally, when the parent tells him that he is allowed to feel it, the emotion is validated and legitimized. Accompanied in his emotion, the child feels reassured: there is theoretically nonegative emotions which add to the initial anger and which could cause the situation to escalate. Faced with this benevolent approach, the blond head does not hold back, it is more receptive to what you are going to say to it, and this allows you to open the dialogue if necessary.
What’s next after this ad
An educational technique close to positive parenting
By deploying the technique of “2 things are true”, parents offer understanding rather than just injunction to the child. When all you do is give a command or remind a child of a rule, you may unconsciously ignore their feelings, and the child may interpret this as the invalidation of their emotions. This educational method close to positive education and the Montessori methodavoid this error: we accompany the little one in the (di) management of his emotions while reminding him of the rules to respect, and without systematically sanctioning him.
Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…