Introverts tend to have different social needs than extroverts, and the better they know them and respond to them, the more relaxed and conflict-free they get through life. These expert dos and don’ts can serve as a guide for introverts.
Extraversion, i.e. whether we are extroverted or introverted, is one of the five characteristics of the Big Five model and, according to psychologists, is one of the essential characteristics that make up our personality.
If we observe ourselves from time to time, think about ourselves and analyze our actions, at some point we will be able to assess quite well whether we belong more to the introverted people – i.e., for example, need time for ourselves to recharge our batteries and can not do much with superficial acquaintances – or to the extroverts. We recognize the latter by the fact that we often like to surround ourselves with people and are sociable and quickly feel lonely on our own. Similar to how we can judge whether we are rather conscientious or sloppy, curious or conservative.
But knowing your own personality traits does not mean being able to deal with them optimally. Especially a low level of extraversion or a high level of introversion can sometimes pose a challenge in (social) life. Author and blogger Sophia Dembling (The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After. The Introvert’s Corner) has listed the most important dos and don’ts that, from her experience, can help introverts through life.
Yes, please! 8 dos that introverts can empower
1. Learn to plan social life
How many dates am I okay with per week? How much time do I need between two appointments? According to Sophia Dembling, being able to answer these questions for yourself is important for introverts to plan their week based on. Don’t isolate yourself, but don’t overwhelm yourself either – finding a healthy balance in social life is not that easy, but with conscious planning and self-observation it is quite possible.
2. Deliberately say yes and no to society
According to the expert, it is essential for introverts to learn to sense when they want company and when not – and then to communicate this clearly. And if it sometimes takes a moment to feel this: An “I’ll get back to you” is also okay as an answer if you don’t make the other person wait too long for the response.
3. Let social pressure and criticism bounce off your own personality
Some people have little understanding or patience for introverts and find their needs odd or selfish—and some show or communicate this quite openly. This can make introverts feel like they need to change or that they are unlovable. But underlying this feeling is a misperception: being an introvert isn’t weird or selfish, it’s completely natural, human, and just as good as being an extrovert. Therefore, you can confidently ignore criticism or pressure that reaches you and is directed against your needs as an introvert and book it as a lack of understanding or ignorance.
4. Get people you care about on board
Again, if that criticism or pressure is coming from people who are close to you and mean something, it’s important that you try to help them understand you. Explain to them how you feel when other people’s expectations are too much for you, or how exhausted you sometimes get after a full day with people. If they love you, they will try to be understanding of your needs.
5. Ask your friends and loved ones to text you before they call
Impromptu phone calls can be disruptive to introverts and put them in a real quandary as they may have to argue about whether or not to answer. But other people don’t know that unless someone tells them. That’s why the expert recommends simply informing your circle of friends about it: Ask your loved ones to preferably text you or end phone calls. Of course, the same applies to visits – spontaneous visits can sometimes be even more difficult than calls.
6. Push yourself to answer the phone as often as possible
However, if the phone or the doorbell rings in between, Sophia Dembling recommends answering the call or opening the door if you can reasonably relax – because in most cases this is followed by positive experiences, i.e. good conversations with friends , a nice exchange with neighbors or something similar. These experiences don’t have to change anything about your personality, but they can help reduce anxiety and stress and make you more relaxed.
7. Allow yourself to go when you feel like it
As a general rule, if you’re going to a party or meeting someone, allow yourself to go home whenever you want. You don’t have to last until midnight, or at least two hours. If you notice after half an hour that you don’t feel well, you just say goodbye – after all, the others are already grown up and can get along without you. If you don’t make any demands on yourself, it will be easier for you to say yes and go, says the expert.
8. Try to understand other people
Introvert and extrovert are two equal, different expressions of a personality trait, both have advantages and disadvantages, neither is superior to the other. Just as you want others to understand your needs, others want you to try to put yourself in their shoes and understand them—or at least accept and respect them.
No thank you! 4 don’ts that are particularly important for introverts
1. Don’t isolate yourself
Whether introverted or not – people need relationships and social contacts, otherwise we become lonely, sick and unhappy. It’s best to establish a social routine that you’re comfortable with, and then stick with it as long as it feels good. And: Try to feel when you feel lonely, just as you perceive when you are overwhelmed.
2. Don’t keep canceling at short notice
From time to time it can really happen that something comes up at short notice during an appointment – and that can also simply be the mood. But if this happens every second time (or even more often), that’s just stupid. It’s not working. Other people want to be able to rely on you and know where they stand. Therefore, dose your appointments, think carefully about whether you say yes or no, and if in doubt, say no – but don’t always say yes and then keep canceling at the last moment.
3. Don’t underestimate superficial acquaintances
Introverts do well to conserve their social energy and focus on the people they really care about. But casual acquaintances can bring us advantages and broaden our horizons – so Sophia Dembling advises against completely closing yourself off to them. Nowadays there are comparatively safe ways to network, for example via Instagram or e-mail, it doesn’t always have to be a telephone number and address.
4. Don’t expect friends to always be there for you
Being an introvert doesn’t give you a free pass to a one-sided friendship that only the other side invests in. Any close relationship requires that both sides compromise, care for the other person, jump over their shadow and show initiative. You can expect understanding and patience and forbearance from friends – but only if you accommodate them to the same extent as they accommodate you.
Source used: Psychologytoday.com