Toxic sexuality
Why we have unrealistic demands on our sex life
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Supermodel figures, porn, unusual sex practices – all of this stirs up unrealistic ideas about sex and, above all, the pressure to perform and the demands that women usually place on themselves. In everyday life, sex does not only take place in lace lingerie, but also in joggers and a sleep shirt. And that’s perfectly normal. That’s why we need to talk more honestly about sex more often.
In our modern world in particular, openness to different sexual orientations and relationship constructs is suggested, or is it deceptive? Are we perhaps more prudes than we admit? When it comes to their personal love life, most people often become very silent.
Sex? But only in the bedroom, please!
So much of what we encounter in everyday life is strongly sexualized: advertising, series, etc. You now ask yourself: Isn’t that positive? Sex is finally getting normalized. Or? The “or” remains a very thick one here. Because it actually makes the whole situation worse because the images of sex, of erotic supermodel figures that we see all the time, do not correspond to reality.
People tend to measure themselves against ideals, and this leads to the fact that we start to doubt ourselves: Why doesn’t it work for me like that? I’m guaranteed not to look that sexy during sex. Do I really have to do something like this to please my: my partner: in? Although there should really only be one rule in sex, and this is: It has to be fun for everyone involved.
And why is sexual openness so mediocre?
It starts with education as a teenager. Because sex education classes still feel like explaining how to put a condom on a banana. That is certainly not wrong, but to be honest it is not based on real life. According to a study by the BZgA, in which adolescents and young adults between 14 and 25 years of age report how they were informed:
- For a third of 14-year-old boys, porn is a source of information.
- Less than 50 percent of the respondents discuss homosexuality in school.
- When it comes to contraception and venereal diseases, almost everyone feels that they are inadequately informed.
This inevitably leads to the fact that young women think they have to moan loudly during sex and come to orgasm every time – because that’s how it is shown. One in ten women has never had an orgasm. According to a study by the specialist journal “Archives of Sexual Behavior” only 65 percent regularly climax. Others have pain during sex and still others have no desire at all. And that’s ok. Because the image that many media spread of sexuality does not represent the broad masses.
Where does the sexual insecurity come from?
The foundation for our sexual insecurity is often laid at a young age. If talking to parents is considered uncomfortable and the educational lessons in school do not go beyond biological facts and putting on the condom, young people get other information. And otherwise in this case means: The Internet will be the main source of information. Just stupid that the reality depicted there does not correspond to reality.
Porn and a lack of diversity become a problem
Rough actions and humiliating depictions of women are quite normal in a lot of porn. This can turn out to be unpleasant when young people think that sex has to work this way. Teenage boys in particular are taught that it is okay to treat their partner like that. And girls think it is normal to endure practices that they may not enjoy at all.
Another problem is the lack of diversity in terms of sexual orientation. Because the representation of sex in the media is still quite one-sided. Mostly “classic” men and women are shown. Although some media outlets are already setting a good example and also depict other forms of relationships, homosexual partnerships, for example, still need more visibility.
What do we do now? It’s best to talk about it!
Since we cannot go back in time to assure our 15-year-old self that everything is okay with her: him, we can at least now free ourselves from unrealistic expectations of our sex life. Because: Sex doesn’t work like it does in porn, and very few look as graceful as Rachel McAdams in a Nicholas Sparks film adaptation. And because of that, we shouldn’t drive ourselves crazy. What really matters is that we have fun. And for that, the most important thing is to turn off your head and let yourself go.
Sources used: focus.de, zeit.de, br.de