what is it and how to proceed?

In this age of telecommuting, distension, and videoconferencing meetings, we understand more than ever that to communicate well with others, it is not enough just to know how to speak. You also need to know how to hear what others have to say. For this, it is necessary to develop active listening and empathy to be able to put yourself in the other’s shoes and then be able to adapt your speech.

Benevolent communication results from a structured process defined by several stages: interpreting, analyzing and evaluating the words of the interlocutor. What is active listening? What are its objectives? Why is it so crucial in our life (personal and professional)? How to adopt it? Spotlight below in this comprehensive article that covers all aspects of the topic.

Active listening: the keys to goodwill for successful relationships

This is a question that concerns us all on a daily basis. Whether in the personal or professional field (especially when it comes to management), we are all faced with the need to listen to the one we have in front of us, without judgment. All the more so if we want to be our turn, to be correctly listened to and heard.

Originally, this technique was born from the work of Carl Rogers, an American psychologist. Behind the term active listening, it is a question of adopting a non-directive, non-violent and always attentive attitude with the person “in dialogue”. To do this, we ensure that we inspire trust and respect. The person with whom you interact must be able to express their ideas in complete freedom, without any pressure or fear of being judged.

Active listening is above all a posture, a method of expression that uses reformulation and questioning to check the correct understanding of the subject. If the message is not very clear, we do not hesitate to rephrase. In any case, everything must be done to demonstrate to the interlocutor that we have listened to what he was saying and that we want to act accordingly.

Initiator of communication techniques based on trust, the American psychologist used this solution to show how necessary it is, in our modern societies, to rely on communication based on trust and respect for all. The latter can thus express his thoughts and opinions without difficulty while delivering a clear and audible message.

The 5 keys to caring listening according to Carl Rogers

For psychologist C. Rogers, emotional content is worth more than purely intellectual content. In other words, thanks to the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “One can only see well with the heart”. For active listening to take place, it is necessary to interact and dialogue while also taking into account the emotional side of each individual, and not just the rational side. For this, the listener must assume an attitude that interweaves understanding and authenticity, without leaving room for judgment and misinterpretation of words.

For active listening, welcoming others as they are

The first look to have – and not the least – is the acceptance of the individual as a whole. We consider him and accept him as he is, with his qualities but also his faults. This approach demonstrates respect and consideration, guarantees of authenticity. The key attitude to adopt is to take your interlocutor into account without expecting anything in return and without any ulterior motives that could bias the quality of the exchange. This is how he understands that he is shown a real interest and that communication can be constructive.

Take into account the feeling before speaking

Another important element to take into account: the feelings of the other party in front of the remarks that one makes. The interest is then to go beyond the sphere of concrete facts to take a more general interest in the way in which the person in front of you experiences things. Indeed, we do not all experience events in the same way. In terms of communication, it has been proven that you can only listen attentively to a human being if you are deeply interested in their feelings.

Human beings take precedence over their difficulties

This third point joins the previous one. Before the problem itself, it is a matter of taking into account what the other is saying. No human being is reduced to a situation experienced at a given time. Some life events may appear to some to be extremely problematic while for others it is an opportunity to bounce back and take new steps.

Concrete case with the example of unemployment: when individual A experiences this context as a failure, individual B as a sanction, individual C can for his part conceive of this passage of life as a present event that will not last , with the key, the chance of a professional reconversion in a field really appreciated.

Always show respect

We cannot actually speak of active listening without addressing the notion of respect for others. By actively listening to the other, we show them that their words are precious and that we take them into account. This implies in particular respecting his vision of things, his way of living and conceiving his future. At the heart of this listening: never encroach on the domain of others by playing the amateur psychologist.

Active listening: echoing the feelings of your interlocutor

The 5th step of the method is quite complex to put into practice since we all naturally tend to interpret the speech of the other in relation to our experiences and our feelings. Listening to others better, however, pushes them to change their paradigm and to take a more profound interest in others. How? ‘Or’ What ? In front of a kind of mirror where we do not interpret our problem but where we rather echo what they feel. To achieve this, it is about paying special attention to the feelings and deep feelings of the person who is with us.

Compassionate listening: a mixture of empathy and nondirectiveness

Nondirectiveness is the first attitude to adopt to take advantage of mindful listening. You must therefore be centered above all on the other, without influencing them. The one who takes the floor does not advise or interpret the words.

Being nondirective does not mean that you are not involved or inactive. On the contrary, it is a question of putting on the same shoes as the other, of getting down to his level in order to feel with him, even before sharing an idea. Emotions take precedence over the intellectual.

The notion of empathy sums up this way of listening well. It is more particularly a question of anchoring oneself in the subjective universe of its interlocutor. All to project your universe and fully understand it. We must therefore accept the other unconditionally to give him the opportunity to fully express what he has to say, without interrupting him.

People who practice it speak of positivity and energy which can then be reinvested in many missions of daily life. Discourse, understood and shared, gives rise to group synergy and often puts an end to certain conflicts that are difficult to resolve at first.

How to apply the techniques of active listening?

How to apply the techniques of active listening?
Practicing still requires a little practice! Here are some practical tips to follow to apply this new way of communicating with others on a daily basis. The key: more peaceful and more constructive relationships with others.

• Make eye contact, without seeming rude by staring excessively at the individual.
• Concentrate on his words without thinking about anything else.
• Leave the other person the opportunity to express themselves without interrupting them. To resolve a difficulty or a conflict, you must first take the time to hear everything, to listen to the situation as a whole. An interruption along the way could bias your reasoning and therefore your interpretation.
• Sometimes leave moments of silence conducive to reflection and the formulation of responses. Never exert pressure and let the other respond at their own pace.
• Ask questions and show that you care about what is being said. Ask for more details if you ask yourself questions, all without being aggressive, always in a friendly manner. Be nonjudgmental and show your interest in the conversation.
• Repeat to confirm, to avoid confusion and misperception. It also allows the person in front of you to be able to give more details and to correct any misunderstanding.
• Do not hesitate to have recourse to reformulation.

Active communication and body language

Whatever we say and think about it, our bodies often speak for us. To carry out active listening, it is recommended to take body language into account. Here are some practical tips to help you send the right signals.

• Do not stand too far away, nor too close to the one with whom you are exchanging: the right distance allows an exchange of trust.
• Do not show disapproval or dislike of your interlocutor with certain gestures (nodding of the head, raising of eyebrows for example).
• Do not make large movements of the hands, which could restrict speaking.
• Allow time for the other to express themselves without creating a heavy silence, which could be seen as a sign of disapproval.
• Choose an appropriate tone of voice to convey your message: don’t shout, don’t whisper, everything is in measure.