what is the vacuum cleaner, the flagship technique of narcissistic perverts?

We only hear about narcissistic perverts in recent years. While it is important to raise society’s awareness of these people who constitute a real danger for the people targeted, it is also important to clearly identify the signs and techniques for manipulating them: this makes it possible to avoid hasty judgments with people who are not concerned, and above all, to best protect yourself from one of them. Among the techniques frequently used by these experienced manipulators, we find the “Hoovering” – said “suction technique” Or “vacuuming” in French. What does it consist of?

There suction technique is a behavioral pattern adopted by the narcissistic pervert to to perpetuate its hold on its victim, even when she has chosen to no longer be part of her life (following a breakup, a divorce, a conflict). He will therefore manipulate it so as to suck it back into its orbit, so that it gravitates around him. The metaphor is well chosen: the victim is inevitably and violently drawn into the wake of the narcissistic pervert and their toxic relationship, despite all his good will and even if he knows that it is not in his interest.

“Vacuuming”: why does the narcissistic pervert use it?

When he practices the vacuum cleaner, the narcissistic pervert is therefore motivated by a desire to recreate the lost/broken link and of maintain psychological control on his victim: it is often following a breakup or an argument that he uses this technique of ultimate manipulation. If the most idealistic prey want to believe in the love he feels, it is actually not this “noble” motive that explains his return: it is rather an urgent need for attention, admiration, domination. on his former victim who leads him to court her again.

As specialists explain, the narcissistic pervert has a gaping void within him that he fills by dominating others, and in particular the person who shares his life. Contrary to the image of assurance sent back by the latter, his self-esteem is therefore poor. To feel good about yourself and fill his narcissistic flaw, he needs to be admired, to crush the other and to feel superior to his prey. The problem is that when the latter turns away from him, the void is no longer filled: the narcissistic pervert ends up being plunged into discomfort, insecurity, a psychological malaise that is difficult to bear. He then has only one idea: to recover his “object” of domination… Hence the vacuum cleaner. Thus, it is not because he deeply loves the other that he comes back, but because he wants to feel good: far from being romantic, the reason that pushes him to come back is therefore egocentric, narcissistic.

How does the pervert suck his victim into the toxic relationship?

To get back into his ex’s life and succeed in sucking him into his vortex, the perverse manipulator will reconnect with apologies. On the surface, he pretends that he is mature, that he wants to make up for his mistakes and that he is ready to make efforts so that the relationship lasts… But the reality is quite different: the person affected by narcissistic personality disorder is unable to recognize his wrongs and/or the harm he is doing. Apologizing, she does not no evidence of sincerity or vulnerabilitybut simply seeks to manipulate the target person: excuses are only bait to attract fish into their nets… And it works.

Touched by the approach that she believes to be sincere, the victim therefore ends up splitting her armor, lowering her guard and (again) falling under the influence. Once the excuses have been accepted, the trap is ready to close: the narcissistic pervert turns the situation around, poses as a victimAnd makes his prey feel guilty with unjustified reproaches. In some cases, he even allows himself to hide the reproach in his apologies, with phrases like “I’m sorry for not being tolerant enough in the past”, “I apologize for not being patient enough with you”… Responsibility is not assumed 100% and is redirected to the person being manipulated. Idealization of the relationship and the PN (love bombing), devaluation of the prey (debasement strategies), disengagement (withdrawal): this is the pattern followed by manipulation.

The aspiration technique can also take on a more extreme side: the manipulator can go as far as invent a crisis to force the other to react if he was not receptive to previous attempts (= apologies). This imaginary crisis must foreshadow a danger, a threat for one of the two ex-partners: suicide attempts, self-mutilation are just a few examples. “Remind me where I’m going to take these pills”, “I’ll come to your house if you don’t answer my text”are all sentences and lies potentially deployed by the “executioner”, explains a psychologist to our colleagues from Bustle.

How not to suffer the “Hoovering” of the narcissistic pervert?

The narcissistic pervert never lets go: even when you are no longer in his life, he runs after you to get you back… And this is where all the danger of this kind of individual lies: it is very difficult to detach yourself from it, to free yourself from its grip even when the ignition is off. So how do you not get sucked into the past toxic relationship? Psychologists give us some keys.

The simplest solution is to To not answer to his multiple attempts to make contact, however incessant they may be. Even if it turns into “harassment”, you have to play the card of ignorance. For what ? Because narcissistic perverts crave attention, whether it’s negative or positive. Thus, a message telling him to leave you alone will have no effect on him: by doing so, you will only give him what he wants and encourage him to continue. The psychologist therefore suggests blocking it from your phone, your social networks, your email address; in short, of all possible and imaginable communication channels.

Freelance journalist

Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…