Occurring during the period preceding or following the birth of a child, the spontaneous appearance of intrusive thoughts can be particularly destabilizing, sometimes violent. But if the phenomenon seems strange, it would affect more than half of parents (and would be completely normal).
When you become a parent (especially for the first time), you are clearly not ready for what awaits you. The crying, the bottles, the colic, the nights… Everything can seem insurmountable. In addition to the unknown and the discovery, taking care of a baby requires enormous energy and generally causes great fatigue for young dads and young mothers (and no one will say the opposite). But beyond the physical effects, the arrival of a child also has important (and serious) psychological consequences on the parents.
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baby blues, puerperal psychosis, postpartum depression… Because of their anxieties and doubts, mothers (but also fathers) can suffer violent symptoms after giving birth. Some are starting to be (slowly) better known and taken into account, while others still remain mysterious today and little discussed in the public space. This is the case of intrusive thoughtsa phenomenon that is nevertheless widespread among young parents.
Intrusive thoughts: what is this very common phenomenon among parents?
“Several studies have shown that the majority of parents are subject to surprising thoughts in the period before or after the birth of their child”indicates Sonia Krief, former childcare assistant and co-founder of the Bien Naître school, in her book I welcome my postpartumpublished on February 28, 2024 by Albin Michel editions.
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As we can read in the book, Doctor Benoît Bayle, psychiatrist, estimates, based on data from the MOOC Perinatal mental health in the first 1000 days by 2023, that 50 to 80% of parents experience this strange phenomenon. But what is it about? According to psychologist Nathalie Cohen, intrusive thoughts are uncontrollable, violent images and thoughts about your baby. For example, you can “imagine that you are hurting him or that something bad is going to happen to him”she explains in Sonia Krief’s book.
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Imagine drowning your child in the bath or throwing him out of the window, thinking that he will fall from the slide and kill himself, being constantly afraid that he will suffocate or die in a car accident, … All These types of intrusive thoughts, although disturbing, are completely normal. This doesn’t make you a bad mother or father!
Intrusive thoughts, impulse phobias, OCD: what are the differences?
Some parents who are victims of intrusive thoughts (especially mothers) can develop a Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But what difference? Still according to Nathalie Cohen, “classic intrusive thoughts, even if they can worry or shock the parent who experiences them, diminish over time and disappear without a trace”. But in the case of OCD, “these ideas, images or impulses circle and invade thoughts”she adds, specifying that OCD
Among the most common themes linked to OCD, the expert cites the fear of germs, kidnapping, abuse or the death of one’s child.
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Often, mothers can also suffer from impulse phobias (notably during certain postpartum depressions and pueral psychoses) which are generally characterized by the fear of physically or sexually attacking the baby herself. Please note: there is no desire to take action. Women also feel so ashamed that they don’t talk about it (or very little) around them.
What are the signs to spot and how to deal with them?
Intrusive thoughts, impulse phobias and OCD can lead to a whole bunch of very specific behaviors. Recognizing them in yourself or a loved one can provide support and appropriate care. Here are the main ones, according to Nathalie Cohen:
- have compulsions (i.e. repetitive behaviors linked to one’s obsessions) such as excessive cleaning, repetitive hand washing, etc.
- constantly filming yourself to make sure you don’t act out
- constantly check that dangerous objects are properly stored
- supervise your child more
- adopt avoidance behaviors when faced with problematic situations such as bathing or changing times (for fear of drowning and sexually assaulting your baby)
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In an attempt to control and “neutralize” these intrusive thoughts and images, the people concerned can create mental rituals, indicates the specialist, “like repeating mantras or numbers”. It is also a sign that can alert you to the psychological state of a young parent. “If these thoughts worry you too much or you find yourself in the descriptions of OCD, it is important to seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist”advises Nathalie Cohen. “Non-judgmental listening and appropriate therapy will help you better understand and control your symptoms”she concludes, indicating that medicinal treatment can be prescribed in certain cases for “relieve anxieties”.
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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…