What to say to your child if he has doubts about the existence of Santa Claus?

It is a necessary step for all parents: one day, their child will question the “lie” of Santa Claus to which they themselves are attached to give substance. But what to do when he has been brutally sold the wick earlier than expected? What psychological impact can this announcement have on him? Is it necessarily traumatic?

Some time ago, many of you responded to a call for testimonials on the subject that we launched on our Facebook page. Proof that the discovery of the non-existence of Santa Claus remains a stubborn memory. Adults remembered how, as children, they wanted at all costs to preserve the spirit of Christmas while being in the know (“Once, one of my classmates in elementary school brought out in full class that Santa Claus didn’t exist, I already knew it, I shouted to him that he was a liar so that my classmates could still believe it”, said Steven). Others pointed out that it is often parents who are too casual on the matter who unwittingly reveal the doldrums: “Personally, I knew it when I was 4-5 years old, because my parents were not good at lying”, confided Liam, who had discovered the cruel reality earlier than Lynda: “Me, I learned it when I was 10 years old, I saw my father lay out the presents at the foot of the tree”.

A testimony, that of Héloïse, had particularly caught our attention: “I was 5 years old, we were on the evening of the 24th, the guests would soon arrive at our place to celebrate Christmas. My mother was in the middle of preparations. The day before, classmates had told me ‘what, Do you still believe in Santa Claus ?? !!! Shame, he does not exist !!! ‘. I approach my mother, who has her hands in the turkey, and I say to her: “Mom, is it true that Santa Claus doesn’t exist?” The ax falls: “And yes, it does not exist, it is the parents who buy the gifts”. SHOCK. I did not expect such a revelation. As much to say to you that this year, the festival did not have the same flavor… “

If each adult remembers precisely the “twist” of this revelation, it is precisely because it marks a break in its course, a kind of “end of frozen innocence”. “Before, the notion of the impossible did not exist, explains the educational psychologist Alain Sotto to LCI. It is like in the year 1000 in the head of the child, that is to say the expression of a pre-magical thought which one finds in the archaic societies and which precedes the concrete thought. Thus, before this revelation, the existence of Santa Claus is absolutely not called into question. “ Hence the shock.

“Usually this revelation occurs during the first year of primary school”, notes Alain Sotto. “Either the child finds out on his own through friends in the playground, or the parents tell him that Santa Claus does not exist. When it comes to the first option, moms and dads are caught in the act. lie. ”

What goes on in the mind of a child to whom a teacher or a clumsy adult sells the wick? Our educational psychologist wants to be extremely reassuring, affirming in passing that “children, being more and more precocious, are brought to learn this disillusionment earlier and earlier” : “There is no psychological collapse following this revelation. The party continues despite everything in the head of the child who, if he no longer believes in Santa Claus, nevertheless adheres to the ritual, very important for him: the family spirit continues happily, and that is the main thing for him. After, what this teacher did in the United States turns out to be a little sadistic, he did not have to get involved in it , it’s only up to the parents to do that. It’s like, as an adult, he allows himself to whistle the end of recess and break up the party that everyone is having fun. “

And how to react as a parent when the child has been brutally confronted with this bare truth? “The best way is to tell the truth, to stop all pretense, to play the card of connivance, of complicity. In this, I advise parents to tell their child their personal story in relation to the Father. Christmas, that is to say to reveal in their turn how long they remained, children, in this belief, and how their own parents announced to them this pot of roses. They can even insist on the playful dimension, by emphasizing shed light on all the improbabilities linked to Christmas, the disguises, the different Santa Claus seen in the stores … “ And a little brother or sister still believes in it? “We must include the elder in the game of secrecy to make him responsible”.

No reason to feel guilty then, it’s just like waking up from a sweet dream: “We must take advantage of this revelation to make him grow up, tell him that he is growing up, at a time when the famous ‘age of reason’ is looming”. To avoid any trauma, the educational psychologist recommends that parents let the child come and ask questions about this ancestral belief … even beyond the age of 6 and over: “Santa Claus works exactly like the little mouse. When the child realizes that he does not exist, then he passes to another belief likely to support his imagination. We must not believe that this announcement will destroy in him all forms of ‘imaginary.”