According to experts, there are five different love languages - but do you actually have to have the same as a couple to be happy? In "Whisper", numerous couples have reported what it is like not to be understood by their partner.
People are different. We perceive the world differently, feel differently and express our feelings differently – including affection and love. According to psychologist and relationship expert Gary Chapman, there are essentially 5 languages of love, namely words of appreciation, gifts, support, time together, and touch (see our article for more information). But what role do love languages really play in a relationship? Is it bad if a couple communicates in two different languages of love? Or is it enough that you love yourself? At "Whisper", many affected people shared their experiences.
Couples tell: This is what it feels like when the person you love doesn't understand you
1. Burden on the relationship
"My friend and I communicate in completely different love languages and that puts an enormous strain on our relationship. He shows and wishes affection through touch and I don't at all."
2. Unfulfilled desire for closeness
"I wish my husband were more tender. We hardly ever cuddle or hug."
3. Simply misunderstood
"Just because I don't cry my eyes out or pretend the world is going to end doesn't mean that I'm fine. We all deal with our emotions differently and show them differently. I wish my partner would understand."
4. Insoluble conflict
"After an argument, my friend likes to have reconciliation sex. On the other hand, I need time and space for myself."
5. Lonely and isolated
"My partner and I have different love languages and I think it's time to find someone to share mine with. Sometimes I feel like I'm with my boyfriend makes me more lonely and isolated than I feel good does. "
6. Not enough time together
"I wish my partner would be home more often and spend time with me, but he is always on the go and tries to make up for it with surprises. But I don't care about gifts! Show me that I mean something to you by being with me are! "
7. Not enough gifts
"My love language is attentions and gifts, but my friend is stingy. He has no understanding at all that I feel loved and valued by gifts."
8. Difficult, but possible
"Sometimes I worry that our fire will go out. Then he sends me sweet messages and reminds me that we just show our love in different ways. He loves me as much as I do."
9. No emotional attachment
"My husband and I speak different love languages. The sex is great, but the emotional connection is simply missing. I am unsure whether I can stay with him."
10. Too little tenderness
"I just wish my wife was more tender. She hasn't been in the mood for almost four months. I know she loves me, but sometimes I feel so terribly lonely."
11. Too little sex
"My partner thinks I act like 'a guy' because I want to have sex more often than he does. Sorry, but touch is my love language! We are so different in this regard. Sometimes I wonder how long I can do that still hold out. "
12. Too little attention
"I've been with my partner for four years, but we have completely different love languages. I yearn for attention!"
13. Too much argument
"I feel lonely with the man I am with. I don't know if our relationship can work if we express love in so many different ways. Every time I communicate my needs, he takes that as an argument . "
14. Too little recognition
"I wish my friend would say words of affirmation and appreciation more often."
15. Love alone is not enough
"Love is not always enough. I am with someone I love idolatrously, but we both express affection differently. I don't think he has any idea how to accommodate him, even though he actually knows exactly what I do need."
16. It doesn't work without help
"My friend thinks the theory about the 5 languages of love is bullshit. I see it differently and hope our therapist agrees with me …"