What does it mean to be a real man? The answer has changed over time. In a post #MeToo era, she seems all the more difficult to find. What if we simply banned this expression?
You must have already read, heard, or even pronounced it: the sentence “Be a man” is part of our vocabulary, with its variants “Behave like a real guy” or, “Act like a man”.
An injunction actually used to police behavior that is judged “not masculine enough”, in other words, “feminine”. “Be a man” intimate the order not to cry, not to show when you are in pain, not to express your fear or your emotions, never to ask for help … The important thing: to constantly prove that you are evolving in the field of hegemonic masculinity, where empathy, gentleness and self-care are reserved for girls and women.
Did you say toxic? In any case, this is what emerges froma study conducted by aufeminin on the subject of new masculinities: 62% of those questioned consider that the expression “Be a man” prevents men from being who they really are. 61% of the panelists even speak of a daily pressure induced by this expression. Results? 50% of French people questioned answer that it is difficult for a man to cry and 68% believe that it is very difficult to leave the framework associated with his gender.
Pressure with serious consequences
“During all my studies in Business School, I heard” Carry your balls “, an expression which had become a tic between guys, tells aufeminin Emilien, 31 years old. I found it funny, until I realized that I was being told mainly to encourage me to do what I didn’t want: drink a lot, drive super fast … It was super unhealthy “. Stéphane, 41, suffered especially when he was younger from the expression “Boys don’t cry”. “I had the impression that I was deficient, broken. I felt sadness and that was not normal, since it should not be noticeable to anyone.”
Testimonies which show that these expressions have a dangerous impact on men’s health, mental but also physical. Indeed, it is not socially accepted that they can talk about their suffering or their vulnerability, an ideal breeding ground for mental illnesses. However, a man who suffers from untreated depression will have symptoms such as anger and aggression, and will be at greater risk in terms of alcohol and drug use, risky behavior or even hyperactivity.
Logical, then, that the figures show that men die three times more from suicide than women. Another element of explanation proposed by theNational Suicide Observatory : men die of suicide more often because they use more violent, more lethal methods, such as hanging or guns – again, conforming to gender stereotypes. But this vicious circle is not inevitable: there are ways to break it.
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“It takes courage”
Asked about masculinity by aufeminin, the sociologist and author Illana Weizman explains that it is urgent to put an end to virilist stereotypes, extremely harmful for women, the first victims of patriarchy, but also for men. His first suggestion was … to look our society in the face. “It takes good will to observe this reality and accept to work to question yourself. But it’s complicated, it takes courage”, she observes.
What to start with ? 60% of those questioned in the framework of the aufeminin study consider that men must speak up more to free themselves. But what exactly, since the patriarchal system is based on the domination of women by men, not the other way around? Toxic masculinity? We can have even more ambitions, notes Illana Weizman: “When we talk about toxic masculinity, that would mean that only some aspects of masculinity are toxic and others are neutral or positive. I assume that when we say ‘A man or a woman should behave like this or like that ‘, it’s problematic from the start. As long as a gender is assigned to certain behaviors, it cannot be positive “.
A sign that their analysis is shared, 73% of those questioned think that if everyone understands the expression “Be a man” , she doesn’t really want to say anything. As proof, male models are much more diverse now than in the past, especially in pop culture, and there are many incarnations of non-hegemonic masculinities, from Bilal Hassani to Youtuber Benjamin Névert, including series characters. to success Brooklyn 99 Where Sex Education.
So many figures that inspire with their empathy, their flaws and their gentleness. 31% of those questioned think that a man should be benevolent, 15% that he should be altruistic, 10% that he should be sensitive, the most frequently cited qualifier being “responsible”. What gives a new and positive meaning to a harmful injunction?
Online study carried out on the Toluna Access panel from 25 to 31 August 2021 among 1,431 French people aged 18-74, representative of the French population in sex, age, CSP, region, size and presence of child (ren) home.
Missions: Mathilde is an expert in subjects related to women’s rights and health. Addicted to Instagram and Twitter, never stingy with a good …