Early 40s and married: Our author wonders why she is suddenly embarrassed to flirt a bit. Especially with younger guys.
I recently had an experience that changed my life. I was in a bar and a man in his mid 20s started talking to me. Not only was he 15 years younger than me, he was extremely attractive. Big, dark eyes, very full curly hair. If I had been unbound and 23, I would have wanted to marry him immediately.
But all of this could have been very nice without a romantic outlook if I hadn't reacted like a wrongly programmed robot. To each of his questions – and those were really not very complicated – I answered with staccato-like "yes" or "no". I looked at the counter and got a red pear. That couldn't have looked very charming, and I didn't feel particularly attractive.
What did this young guy want from me?
In fact, I was primarily irritated. What did this man want from me? Didn't he see how old I was? The last time a similarly handsome young man spoke to me, he asked the questions: "Can you tell me which subway to take to the town hall?" He had probably chosen me because I was somehow competent when it came to subway plans, not because I was such a hot sweeper and he had amorous intentions. The one at the bar said at least "you".
My first thought was that he was talking to me safely because my delightful, beautiful friend Jana, who was sitting next to me, thought it was so great. When he went to the toilet, I slipped out: "Why is he talking to me? Doesn't he see how old I am? Does he want something from you?" Whereupon she replied very dryly: "No, he obviously only has eyes for you, Linda! And he doesn't figure out how old we are." I could hardly believe the first, the second it was certain that it was not true. But then he came back and asked if we would move on, whereupon I was horrified: "Today? It's Thursday – and 11pm!" hijacked. It wasn't cool.
To calm down, I first had to light a cigarette, didn't find the fire, the young man wanted to give me one, the flame went out, then I pulled out and had to cough. Sovereign is somehow different, I wanted to sink into the ground with shame. My head glowed red. Fortunately, it was dark in this bar.
What was wrong with me?
In the past I wasn't so tense, I just laughed and cut funny sayings and found nothing at all. How long have I been so insecure? Why had I forgotten how to flirt? Was that a midlife crisis? Also, why was I so sure a young man wouldn't care about me? I had only recently read that younger guys like older women.
The man who had conquered my heart for a short time actually paid – and came back to me on his way to the door. When he put his hand on my arm, my heart almost stopped. He said "bye", took his hand away and left. That’s it.
When I got home, I told my husband everything. Because I felt guilty about my chaste thoughts and also because I was a little proud. He laughed and kissed me and somehow I was glad I didn't have to go out to meet someone. Obviously I wasn't very good at that anymore.
I'm practicing now
Since that evening at the bar, I've made up my mind to do more. Also practice a little flirting again. After all, it's fun, trains and doesn't harm anyone. But I'm also very scared to see the young guy again, who made me feel like I was super young and super attractive for two minutes. I'm still afraid that I was wrong, that he didn't recognize me and that everything was an illusion. Because the way the story is in one head, I like it much better.