SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA
Four years ago, we celebrated the 50th anniversary of May-68. After all this time, would we finally be free to have sex without hindrance? Obviously, for women, the answer is no. The specter of shame still lurks, all the more pernicious as no scenario escapes it. Women who initiate sexual intercourse or seduction are victims of slut shaming (in good French, “guilt for sluts”). But in the event of forced sexual intercourse, it is still them who are made to feel guilty. I summarize: a woman should be ashamed when she says yes, and when she says no.
This question has crossed the great stories of this literary season – starting with the story Impunity (Threshold, 272 p., 19 euros), dedicated to the Patrick Poivre d’Arvor affair. Journalist Hélène Devynck writes: “We, the raped, form a sub-group, the little people of shame. We would like her to change sides. That’s not what I saw. I have never met a shameful rapist. And too few men publicly shouting that they were ashamed of what other men were doing. »
It would be necessary to superimpose on this passage the words of Virginie Despentes in her novel Dear asshole (Grasset, 352 p., 22 euros): “Shame must change sides. When a high school student posts a photo of a girl sucking him off, he needs to know that one day his name will be published and he will be humiliated. We need to teach girls to be proud of their blowjobs. (…) High school boys should make honor guards for good suckers. Instead we are always blamed for wanting to fuck with them. » For the novelist Emmanuelle Richard, the observation is just as depressing: “I am tired of this sexuality oozing shame, guilt and misogyny » (MenEditions de l’Olivier, 256 p., 19 euros).
We therefore have three women, intellectuals, socially privileged, who believe in 2022 that shame continues to permeate the entire field of female sexuality – from consensual relations to rape.
Let me be clear: it is not enough to tell women not to be ashamed. It’s not up to them to do the job. If we are to attack the roots of shame, then we must turn our gaze not to those who experience it, but to those who produce it – that is, us, through a erotic culture that seems incapable of adopting a serene relationship with women’s bodies.
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