“You’re always complaining!” Why all women hate this sentence

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“You’re always complaining!” Why we hate this sentence

Friends (and husbands), let’s be clear. Or to put it in your own words: Let’s bitch again. There is this one sentence that you are incredibly fond of saying. So often that he gushes out of both ears at the same time: “You’re always bitching!” Oh, you really like saying that. But yes, today we finally want to take a stand. So we complain. Always and only. We have a little something to say about that.

What is grumbling anyway?

Let’s politely put aside the “always” and “only” nonsense. Any communication expert would throw those two words at you because they are complete nonsense and simply not true. But as I said – let’s leave that aside and get to the point. We complain. We do that sometimes, you’re right. According to Duden, to complain means “to find fault with something and to angrily express one’s dissatisfaction” and there’s no denying it, we definitely do. We’ll get to why we complain later, but the first question that remains is: Why is complaining a problem for you? Don’t you like that we are dissatisfied? Don’t you like that we bother you with our opinion? Or do you not like the sound? Let’s work this out in order:

If you don’t like us being dissatisfied

You want happy women. We understand. And really. We would rather always be satisfied. But the fact is that women around the world do four hours and 29 minutes of unpaid work every day, i.e. housework, childcare, voluntary work, etc. Men, on the other hand, don’t even spend two hours a day on things that don’t fill their account. To put it bluntly: in many families, the reality unfortunately looks a bit like an advertising poster from the 1950s. At least situationally. And that makes us grumpy. But what is even more strenuous is the so-called mental load in a family and it is undeniably in most relationships to a large extent as a huge imaginary “I-must-absolutely-remember-that-list” in women’s brains. We are the ones who think about children’s birthdays, plan holiday care in good time, book vacations, have parents’ evenings on the screen, correct homework, buy toilet paper before it’s empty and know when the organic waste will be picked up. We don’t switch off, because not thinking is dangerous. We are like small nuclear power plants. As soon as we switch off, everything goes up. BAM! So we always mentally keep the balls in the air and yes, if you then completely chill next to us, we complain. Out of sheer envy. What can you do about it? Think along! Assure us with a fair marriage contract that we’ll get a good chunk of your pension, put the shitty organic bin out by ourselves (and not just after you’ve been told) and don’t say you’d help if we told you what to do. Check it out for yourself. So we can switch off! Then you’re welcome to complain. You are blessed!

If you don’t like us speaking our minds

Welcome to the Federal Republic of Germany in 2023. EVEN women today have the right to express their opinion. If in doubt, you can also read the Basic Law again. Article 3 paragraph 1. You are welcome.

If you don’t like our tone of voice

Then you are right. Sometimes it’s not pretty. The thing is, we’re pissed, and we’re really pissed. Especially about the fact that we’re the complaining woman again. We don’t want that, really not. But juggling all the balls in the air is incredibly exhausting. We are tired of caring, of being patient, of all the to-dos in our heads. We are tired of not being able to switch off and that makes us irritable. But let’s make a deal: take half of the mental load, keep in mind what’s going on in the family, appreciate all our unpaid work and then you can put your feet up without fear of a gripe attack. What we actually want is a partner at eye level. Someone who knows what’s coming up every day. Someone who doesn’t always rely on us alone. One who says thank you for doing the laundry. We promise to be tame again in no time! Because no, we don’t enjoy complaining either.

barbara