3 tactics you use to make yourself less attractive to narcissists

Don’t be blinded
3 tactics you use to make yourself less attractive to narcissists

Almost every person has some narcissistic trait. Sometimes we really want to tell our story first and not be interrupted. Sometimes we feel outstanding and unbeatably good-looking – and sometimes we want to be admired for it. And at times we’re so stressed that we lack the empathy we normally display.

But if you are constantly dealing with people with narcissistic traits or diagnosed narcissists, it can get to be too much. Especially if the person is a very good friend, a family member or even your partner. Their qualities don’t mean they can’t be loved and we can’t appreciate them in our lives. However, it helps to know the strategies of more or less narcissistic actors in order not to fall victim to their manipulation.

What helps when dealing with narcissists

On Psychology Today, Jamie Cannon explains three techniques to help make you less attractive to narcissists. She is an expert in mental counseling and bases her list on people who have been diagnosed with the personality disorder narcissism.

1. Stick to your limits

Narcissists often try to bend or break other people’s boundaries. Your own needs come first. Would you like to party or have dinner with them? Irrelevant. Don’t you have any money? Doesn’t matter. Have you slept badly for days? But not his:her problem. Possible tactics are, for example, to make others feel guilty with a: “A good friend would come with me”. A diagnosed narcissist sees others as objects who have to dance at his/her desire. Do not allow yourself to be persuaded forcefully if there are good reasons against it. Standing up for yourself is a good quality. listen to your intuition

2. Know your trigger points

There are things that make you vulnerable or sad – and narcissists are quick to recognize what those are. You say that your friend had to cancel your date because of work and it’s already like: “You see, he always lets you down” – although that really rarely happens with you. You become sadder, more insecure. The:the narcissist:in has achieved the goal: to subtly put you down so that you feel smaller and unlovable and to let your self-image crumble. The ulterior motive: to weaken you mentally so that you are even easier to manipulate. Think about which points make you vulnerable. Find out what reactions they trigger when they are pressed – and work on making those reactions no longer part of your reality. So the more we understand our own problems, the better prepared we are.

3. Build a solid social network

In close relationships, narcissists often try to separate people from others, otherwise they might get in their way. They question whether you should continue seeing this friend because she is not a good influence, or complain that you never have time for her, which means that other contacts are neglected. This can lead to social isolation, depending on how well the manipulation works. The trick: Never just listen to one person, but check the statements and listen to yourself. Before talking to this person, did you ever think that person x or y could be bad for you? What other people can you talk to about how they see the situation to confirm or disprove this? Social contact is one of the best ways to combat narcissistic manipulation. So look at your own feelings and talk to people close to you if you are unsure.

Sources used: helpguide.org, psychologytoday.com

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Bridget