1. "Finally clean up your room!"
Yes, I know my room is messy. And no, annoying comments and constant inquiries don't make it sparkling clean! The visit of the first friend, however, works wonders.
2. "Do you want to get up today?"
Whether the vacuum cleaner on Saturday morning at 8 am or the subtle pounding on the door – why don't you let me sleep in? Just. A. Only thing. Times. And as long as I can sleep, you have your peace …
3. "And when everyone else jumps into the river, do you jump after?"
Acceptance of friends and classmates is one of the most important things for children and would-be adults. And what could help social advancement better than the latest iPhone or the best headphones on the market? It's just too bad that parents too often think they know better. Is it so difficult to live up to our desire for consumption? Just think of family peace!
4. "Do you want to eat this now?"
Pizza, burgers, ice cream, chips – what sounds like one calorie bomb after another to most people over 30 is a paradise for teenagers. Parental pressure doesn't help anymore. Now stay away from my chocolate! And please close the door while walking – but that goes without saying. Thank you!
5. "It won't be that bad, pull yourself together."
Parties are great, no question. Parties where you have the choice between having fun with children or playing poker with uncles and great-grandfathers who are married in do not deserve their name. There is hardly a better way to make teenagers aware of the disadvantages of family life. Who is surprised if the door to the room comes right after coming home? Admit it, when Aunt Erna shares her baker's story for the third time in a row, you switch to pulling through.
6. "Have you still not sucked ?!"
Of course, washing dishes does not take care of itself, and even wet laundry does not climb onto the clothesline on its own. And yet there remains the one, essential question: why the hell should I do that again ?! (And why are my little siblings lazy lying around on the sofa?) Understands our stubbornness as an appeal for justice! And in the end you are right.
7. "You won't go out of my house like this!"
The outfit with which I show up for breakfast is by no means a coincidence. Clothes were compared, daring combinations tried, tears flowed and heads rolled. No, I will not change my clothes now! Didn't you have one or two faux pas when you were 16? I only say shoulder pads, gauntlets or crepe highlights …
8. "When Anna was three years old, she just fell asleep with her face in the soup, wonderful! I still have the photos somewhere …"
As a teenager, life seems to be a dramatic series of embarrassments. Dear parents: Please just leave witty sayings (primarily at increased volume), spontaneous hugs or inappropriate stories from your child's childhood. Nobody needs a crimson head and embarrassed silence in front of others. You are welcome to give your stories for the best – just please not in our presence.
9. "Oh god, oh god, oh god …"
Even if it seems that your offspring's life has hopelessly gotten on an inclined path between clothes mountains and leftover food, there is (mostly) no need to worry. As a teenager you are in something that comes closest to a chaotic phase of self-discovery, but I can assure you: there is hope! Longest puberty is over at some point.