“Four years ago, my father’s condition suddenly deteriorated. Until then, he and my mother-in-law lived in peaceful retirement. They were a harmonious couple, with occasional violent spats, but overall they got along well. Until then, my father was still relatively active, he went on trips with friends, read a lot, gardened. At the end of 2018, my mother-in-law decided to take care of a family home to renovate in the Paris region. It’s a long-term project, everything has to be redone. She’s gone for at least a year. This is the first time they have separated like this.
Immediately after his departure, my father lost his footing. He falls into the most complete isolation. With my two brothers, who live abroad, and him, we had a WhatsApp group on which we maintained regular correspondence, because he was hard of hearing. Suddenly, everything stops. Our father’s phone no longer works. However, he manages to reach Henriette, our mother-in-law, to call for help. She picks him up and leaves with him, in January 2019, in the Paris region. There, the house is badly maintained, without heating, with precarious comfort and a floor which he accesses with great difficulty – at that time, he is already 94 years old. She is 83. He settles on a sofa, unable to go up.
“Every time we discuss the disease with her, she feels attacked, as if we were blaming her”
Quickly, he sinks into a deep depression. This is not the first time: when our mother died in 1976, he had already suffered a long depression. When I visit them for the first time in February, the house is plunged into darkness. He lives in seclusion, leaves the sofa very little, from which he finds it difficult to get up, remains prostrate, eats without appetite. I’m obviously alarmed, and I talk to his doctor, who says he’s worried too. A few months later, we learn that he has metastasized prostate cancer, the progression of which is slow but irreversible. I ask my mother-in-law if she told my father. She sweeps away my question with the back of her hand, repeating: “He will die a hundred years old!” Each time we discuss the disease with her, she feels attacked, as if we were blaming her.
My father’s mental state is deteriorating. His voice is weak, hoarse. He has constant nightmares. He who has always had an addiction to news only perceives bad news. He only talks about wars, conflicts, and death, which becomes an obsession. It seems obvious to me that he needs psychological support and medical assistance. But my mother-in-law keeps him almost completely behind closed doors: she has decided that she will watch over him alone.
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