Starting a family was anything but easy for actress Ania Niedieck. She tells us in an interview how rocky her path to her two daughters was.
Professionally, Ania Niedieck has been playing the main role of the scheming Isabelle Reichenbach in the series “Everything that counts” since 2009. In her private life, the actress is funny, open and a happy mother of two girls. But before this happiness came true, she and her husband Chris had to overcome a few hurdles and endure blows.
On the occasion of Mother’s Day on May 12th, we spoke to Ania about her very personal experiences on her journey to having children. She talks about her many miscarriages, what she does differently today and what advice she would give to her younger self.
BRIGITTE.de: Your two daughters are a bit older now. But it took both of them several attempts before they were in your arms and you also had to deal with a few setbacks along the way.
Ania Niedieck: Yes, in retrospect I like to romanticize the past, but now that I consciously think about it again, it was bad.
What happened?
When we decided to start a family, I became pregnant relatively quickly. But eight weeks later it was over again. I thought to myself, “Okay, that’s probably part of it. One or two friends of mine have already been through this and their body probably has to adjust to getting pregnant now.” My gynecologist then advised me to wait six months and then just try again. That also worked immediately. The ultrasound looked good, the heart was beating. And then a few weeks later, no more. That was different than the first time. Then I had to learn to deal with this situation. I never thought it wouldn’t work – until then.
What changed then?
Unfortunately the next time didn’t work either. This time we didn’t wait half a year because I thought that if I waited half a year all the time, it would take forever. I was pregnant right away, but that didn’t last either. I began to despair. I blamed myself a lot and thought I made a mistake by not waiting. And then I started asking myself: How many more mistakes have I made? Have I done too much exercise? Have I been under too much stress? Have I worked too much? It can’t be the case that I get pregnant immediately every time and then immediately lose the child. And why does this have to happen to me?
Did you talk about this with anyone, or was it something you sorted out between yourself as a couple?
When I feel bad, I share it with the whole world. That’s why I’ve always been open about my pregnancies in my private life. I held back on a professional level or in public because I didn’t want other people to give me advice at that point. I wanted to avoid additional pressure from outside and also protect myself.
Then what was it like next time?
We then planned our big wedding. And then I was actually pregnant again. In the sixth week at my own wedding. I stood there the whole time with the feeling: You can’t really party now because it might be too tiring for you. I was also always afraid to call the “thing” inside me baby because it always left. That’s what I assumed this time too. But this time the baby stayed with me and Lotti was born.
You even have two children now. Was it easier with your second daughter?
Not really. It took three miscarriages before our Paula was born.
Could the reasons for this be found?
The doctors found various things. Among other things, factor five, or more precisely the factor V Leiden mutation, a blood clotting disorder that means the fetus cannot be cared for as well as it should be. That’s why I had to inject heparin during pregnancy.
Did you ever consider not having a child?
I was pregnant a total of eight times, and in the meantime various doctors said that one baby was actually a miracle and that it might not work a second time. But I just didn’t give up. I had an idea in my head that I would like to have lots of children. There should have been at least two and I think I would have kept going until it worked.
From your current perspective, what advice would you give to your younger self?
Don’t lose the fun in life even in these very upsetting times! Back then I sat at home a lot, canceled events and parties and made up white lies because I could have possibly been pregnant and I wanted to do everything I could to make it work. But you can’t influence it afterwards. That’s why I might have celebrated one or two more birthdays or taken one or two long-distance trips with my husband.
I imagine it’s also very stressful at work to cover up such drastic experiences as a miscarriage.
Yes, I would have loved to tell my work colleagues that. But I didn’t want this topic, which had already taken up so much space for me privately, to become so big at work. But I also remember having a scene and realizing I was in pain. Then I had a miscarriage in the middle of the studio while filming. I then said that I had to go to the toilet for a moment and saw that I was bleeding. I then stuffed a lot of toilet paper into my pants and finished filming the scene. And when I was lying on the sofa at home, my world collapsed.
As a couple, have you ever thought about what would happen if things didn’t work out?
My husband kept saying that if it wasn’t meant to be, then we just wouldn’t have children. That can be really interesting too. But for me that wasn’t an option at all. And if we hadn’t done it naturally, we would have adopted. It was very clear to me: we will definitely be parents.
Many couples also fail because of these stresses. What helped you?
Of course there were discussions, but for us there are three cornerstones: humor, fun and honesty. And we just stick to that.
On May 12th is Mother’s Day. A day on which we celebrate all mothers, no matter how and in what way they came to their children. For some parents the path is particularly rocky and for some it is even completely impossible. Many of these women and couples feel very alone with their story, but they are far from that.
If you are interested in the topic of “unfulfilled desire to have children”, please take a look at our Special on Parents.de over.