Being a mom isn’t always easy. Even though being a parent is the greatest blessing, sometimes the pressure is too much and the role of mother is too trying. “Mom rage” is a common phenomenon, here’s how to deal with it.
Maternal tantrums, also called “mom rage,” are a much more common phenomenon than you might think. Mainly affecting mothers, it refers to the uncontrolled anger they can feel when faced with too much emotion regarding their child and their life in general. This tantrum manifests itself in an unexpected and involuntary way. It often reflects emotional discomfort and an accumulation of unexpressed anger and annoyance. As a mother, it is common for emotions to be repressed and anger is a big part of it. However, this anger cannot be contained forever and eventually explodes in one way or another.
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If we talk about maternal tantrums rather than parental tantrums, it is for good reason. In reality, this repression is explained by the emotional denial that we unconsciously impose on women. Anger being a frowned upon feeling, the woman submits to society by taking it upon herself but explodes when she can no longer pretend and the maternal and paternal injustice is felt too much. Feeling powerless in the face of events and not being helped and supported generates additional pressure which leads to this famous “mom rage”.
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Where does this maternal anger come from?
This uncontrollable anger generally occurs when the child’s behavior awakens old wounds. This is what Shelly Robinson, a parenting coach, explains about her “mom rage” in a Instagram video : “It catapulted me back three decades ago, when I felt helpless, helpless and… ignored“, she deciphers.
Anger attacks can also occur when the mother feels overloaded with work between household chores, caring for children or even a professional career. The mental loade, does that mean anything to you? The lack of help and support within the home in these kinds of circumstances can thus lead to a tantrum.
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How to manage your emotions?
Although “mom rage” is often uncontrollable, it can nevertheless be tamed so that it does not arise unexpectedly. To do this, it is important to follow these tips that family psychologist Lauren Cook explains on Business Insider.
- Retranscribe what we feel
Writing down what you feel allows you to exteriorize and lighten your mind. This practice allows you to understand where anger comes from and to resolve it. Sharing your notes with those around you can also make you feel supported and understood by more people than you think.
- Don’t be ashamed of what you feel
Sharing your thoughts with other moms can help ease those feelings of guilt. Realizing that every mother reaches saturation point at one time or another is reassuring and can thus allow us to better understand this buried anger.
Yelling in public can earn you dirty looks and judgment from other parents. That’s why it’s important to remember your worth and that anger doesn’t define who you are or make you a bad parent. By having this state of mind, you will no longer have this apprehension about acting correctly or not in the eyes of other parents.
- Learn to compromise
Although being a mom can feel like heroism, it’s not possible to do everything and it’s important to understand that. The specialist explains that by wanting to do everything, it only amplifies this feeling of anger. It is therefore important to be satisfied with the essentials (without depriving yourself either) and to concentrate your energy on what is really important.
- Don’t try to make other people’s lives easier
By focusing your energy on what is truly important, it goes without saying that you must focus on yourself and not on others. Being a hobbit will not make you selfish, quite the contrary. The expert insists that practicing a passion and taking time for yourself avoids feeling overwhelmed.